Myself, for a long time, use to feel like my birth was second-rate – therefore I was second-rate – because my Mom was not Jewish…

When my Dad tried to involve me in the Jewish community, they (the Rabbies) just told him that I would have to convert to be a Jewish.

Ever seen a Cohanim convert? LOL

On the other hand, at my Mom’s Church, and despite Baptism, they wouldn’t let me commune as I was born from a Jewish father… :-(

Oh well… I am still “sitting between 2 chairs” but I have finally adjusted with the situation; I have turned my dual religious education into strengh rather than weakness, and I have made my own ways to believe and practice (an odd mix actually… LOL)

Oh, and I married a Protestant! LOL

Good luck! :-)

Thanks for your comment. You’re absolutely right that it’s the marriage, and not the cermony, that matters most. (And since we’ve now been married for almost a year and half, you can imagine the sting has lessened somewhat.)

On the other hand, it’s precisely because finding a Jewish community to belong to was important to me that I was so infuriated by the rabbis’ failure to help us out. While I’m sure our local rabbi would welcome us after the wedding, and while I’m sure your wife would too, I hope you can understand how insulting that seems to me anyway. While a rabbi might welcome us as part of his or her congregation even though he or she wouldn’t do our wedding, his or her refusal to do our wedding would ensure that we’d never want to join his or her congregation.

And I’d never ask a rabbi to compromise their principles… rather than compromise their principles, I’d rather they change them and value community, openness, and the long-term view of what it means to be a welcoming congregation over (in my opinion) counter-productive insistence on an arbitrary standard.

Amy, I can only imagine what you’re going through… I agree with you when you say there’s no easy answer, but like Matt said, maybe time can help thaw out their stance?..

Matt, I wouldn’t lose faith… I know you’re a little disillusioned or even hurt, but it’s God you put your faith in, and not the Rabbis’, you know? They wear the robes, they say the prayers, they know the book, but at the end of it all, they’re only ‘human’, you know? Apparently, there’s something about your religion that has kept some fire burning in you all these years… don’t let anyone keep you from having a relationship with God.

What a horrible situation; I’m so sorry.

My aunt says, as a way of explaning her husband’s behavior: “There are some people who go on vacation and take lots of pictures of their family and friends, and some who just take pictures of landscapes.” Some people get stuck on big ideas and “principles” and can’t see the actual human people involved. It’s got to be even more heartbreaking when it’s your own father who has this limitation.

Here’s hoping time can help thaw out your family’s rigid stance. I hope that your father will come to realize that his position gains him nothing and risks losing him a daughter and a son.

Best of luck.