Unlikely Words

Guernica (or, The Trials Of Love)

Li’l Sis:	Hmm…I guess I’m lucky I’ve put this off until the age of 27.
Matt:	I guess… I guess it could be easier when you’re older and have built up a wealth of successes.
Li’l Sis:	True. Although everyone else I talk to says, “You want to try this sober? Seriously? How is that possible?” But now I’ll tell them: “Guernica!” It’s my new war cry.
Matt:	I’m trying to think if I ever started a relationship with a drunken hookup.
Li’l Sis:	Seriously, that’s how I start all my relationships. This might be why they end poorly.
Matt:	No, I’ve seemed to take my bracing starts and ends cold sober. It’s like plunging into an icy stream: difficult, yet stupid.
Li’l Sis:	Very brave. I’ve always done it the old-fashioned way. Drink too much with someone you’re attracted to, and it’s like a law of physics that something will happen. You know, a drunk object in motion… Some things are best attempted in a hazy fog, with a lot of deniability. I’m looking forward to losing some more of my self-respect. Looking in the mirror and thinking: “Seriously, this is my life. I actually got a lean-out? Thanks, world.”
Matt:	It’s kinda win-win… if you don’t get the lean-out, obviously, good. If you do, you can say, with confidence, “I have survived the worst this universe can throw at me.” Bring. It. On.
Li’l Sis:	Well, at least my hilariously awkward dating moments bring joy to others. Bird girl, girl who couldn’t spell, all good times.
Matt:	It’s true! So far this one’s only fault is she’s too funny. You can overlook that.
Li’l Sis:	I guess, although I’m really more comfortable as the funny one. Now which one am I going to be? The nice one?
Matt:	Apparently, the forward one.
Li’l Sis:	Maybe. Maybe I’ll be the forward one, and she can play the role of me, pretending to be oblivious to the other person’s attempted moves.
Matt:	Well, it’s better than The One Who Runs Away
Li’l Sis:	Yes, although fleeing the car is an adrenaline rush.
Matt:	I can only imagine. Oh god, I’m thinking of more blaze-of-glory stories.
Li’l Sis:	Go.
Matt:	This is too embarassing.
Li’l Sis:	Please?
Matt:	It was at camp. And there was this girl I liked, so, naturally, on a night off, a bunch of guys went to Steak ‘n’ Shake. And, logically, the thing to do was obviously to write her a poem on the back of the paper placemat they give you.
Li’l Sis:	No, no.
Matt:	And of course, to fold it up and kind of awkwardly hand it to her next time I saw her, and then scamper away like some small rodent. Then, of course, the next day, I saw her and said something like, “So… did you get the thing I wrote?”
Li’l Sis:	Oh God.
Matt:	And she said “… … … yeah.”
Matt:	And I said “… … Ok then.”
Matt:	And that was that.
Li’l Sis:	Matt, never leave a paper trail
Matt:	Well, I know that NOW.
Li’l Sis:	What did the poem say?
Matt:	Oh, who can say.
Li’l Sis:	Was it rhymed?
Matt:	It was free verse.
Li’l Sis:	Stop, stop.
Matt:	I can only imagine the scene when she read it. “What, exactly, the fuck is this supposed to be?”
Li’l Sis:	You know she showed it to all her friends, right?
Matt:	Oh, I’m pretending that’s not so.
Li’l Sis:	Did your friends ok this plan?
Matt:	My friends FORMED the plan.
Li’l Sis:	See, these are not your friends.
Matt:	“You should write her a poem!” Yeah, you think? I mean, in my right mind, I never would have done it. But these people all said, “Yes, yes, good idea.”
Li’l Sis:	A poem? Did they like her too? Was this sabotage?
Matt:	I mean, it was either a terrible joke at my expense, or we were all morons. A poem. On the back of a Steak and Shake placemat.
Li’l Sis:	You have no idea what the poem said?
Matt:	God, I have no idea. “Duuurrrrr, will you go out with me?” shouldn’t be a poem.
Li’l Sis:	It’s hard to make “want to hold hands in friendship circle?” into poetry.
Matt:	“Will you sneak out into the woods so we can make out” is pretty romantic, sure….Mine was the kind of crap a 16 year old would post on his Live Journal today.
Li’l Sis:	Well, I feel prepared: No poems, and “Guernica.”
Matt:	You should write those on your palm before you go out.
Li’l Sis:	How on earth did you get to be so brave?
Matt:	Well… I dunno… the alternative was no nookie, so…
Li’l Sis:	Fair enough.