Unlikely Words

Weather happens. It’s understandable, and there’s very little that can be done about it. Certainly, it’s not US Airways’s fault that a small typhoon parked itself over Philadelphia, but it’s hard not to feel surly about it anyway.

Our connection to San Francisco was a close one, and although we were assured getting on the plane that there would be no problem, I started to get worried when the time crept up on 4:10 and I saw the same farmhouse pass under the wing for about the third time. Sure enough, the captain got on the intercom and confirmed it: weather. The same storm that had delayed the plane getting into Providence in the first place was now making it impossible to land in Philly. We circled for a while, hoping, I guess, that it would clear, but then we were running out of fuel (which is never something you want to hear from the pilot) and so we had to divert to Allentown to refuel.

The only thing I know about Allentown is the Billy Joel song and, as it turns out, I only know the first two lines. I lost track of the number of times I turned to Rachel conversationally and said, “I hear they’re closing all the factories down.”

We sat on the suddenly stiflingly hot plane, and I did the world’s easiest crossword puzzle (Attaché magazine, August 2005). Finally, the crew took pity on us and said we’d be allowed to go into the terminal while they waited for the “ground stop” to be lifted on Philadelphia. (This means, apparently, that no plane bound for Philadelphia was allowed to take off so we knew that, while we were pretty thoroughly screwed, we were probably in very good company.) Whatever else might be said about living here in Allentown, the airport was clean, well air-conditioned, had really comfortable seats, and sold bottled water. If Lehigh Valley International Airport ever needs a testimonial, I’m their man.

I sat and ate a decent-for-an-airport salad while Rachel waited fruitlessly in line to talk to a gate agent. Finally the call went out to get back on our plane, and we did. We landed in Philadelphia at 7:00.

Our connection was now only a memory of a dream, so Rachel sprinted to a gate for the next flight to San Francisco, batted her eyelashes at the guy behind the counter, and got us on the flight. It was, we said to each other, the first break we’d gotten all day.

Then the captain came on the intercom. We would hear from the captain several times over the course of the evening, and every time he spoke he introduced himself using his full name:

“Folks, this is Captain Dan Roberts from the flight deck. At this point, we’re missing our first officer. We believe he’s in Baltimore, and as soon as he gets here, we’ll let you know and we’ll get underway.”

Not a good sign. After 45 minutes or so, they decide to let us off the plane. Not a good sign (but at least we got some dinner). Finally, after a seemingly interminable amount of time, the first officer arrives to applause. The lights go down. The TV screens angle down, and the safety video starts. Just as we’re learning not to inflate our life vests before leaving the plane, however, the video stops, the screens slide back up, and the lights come on.

“Folks, Captain Dan Roberts again, from the flight deck. I’m sorry about this folks, but this crew has been on duty since 11:00 this morning, and we’re no longer legal to fly you to San Francisco. Now, the good news is we’re not going to cancel the flight. There’s another crew here in the airport going to Tampa, and we’re going to swap with them. Shouldn’t be more than a few minutes.”

Nearly an hour later, the new crew was finally in place, and as we pulled back from the gate, we receive the day’s final piece of great news: there were 31 flights ahead of us to take off. That’s 31 US Airways flights; the captain didn’t know how many other planes were ahead of us. In the end, this flight that was supposed to leave at 7:30 took off at 11:45.

The main reason I was so unimpressed with US Airways during this whole experience is that their various crews seemed to take no public notice of the disaster unfolding around them. Had this been, say, a Southwest flight, the flight attendants would have said something other than the robotic “Welcome to Allentown.” “Welcome to Philadelphia.” “US Airways welcomes you to San Francisco, where the local time is 2:00 am.” Had this been Southwest, there would have been considerably more bonhomie from the crew, and a lot more camaraderie among the passengers.

It’s not that I own stock in Southwest Airlines or anything, I just know from experience that they would have offered everyone on the plane a free drink to compensate for the rough day. This flight, including the 4-hour delay on the ground, didn’t offer beverage service at all. No drinks. No peanuts. Not even any pillows or blankets. The final indignity? They were still charging people on the plane $5 for the headsets to watch the in-flight movie. That’s right, despite the weather and all the delays, US Airways was still charging its passengers money to watch Monster In-Law.

Popularity: 3% [?]