I confess, I got a little bored for a while at work today, and when I get bored, I get fidgety. I found a piece of plastic bag hanging from the bottom of my chair, and ended up pulling at it, and out fell the chair's instructions.

My office chair is not particularly complicated -- it goes up and down, it goes back and forth, it has wheels, and so on -- but I recognize that it has to come with instructions. The instructions, however, were quite a literary find.

Here are the first two paragraphs of the instructions, quoted in their entirety:

A. The height of the seat assembly is adjustable with respect to the floor. To raise the seat assembly, remove occupant's weight from the chair. Pull upward on the lever (item 1) found under the seat on the chair's right-hand side. The seat assembly will rise. Release the lever when the desired height is attained. To lower the seat, occupant should remain seated with his weight centered over the column supporting the seat. Pull upward on the lever. The seat will lower. Release the lever at the desired height. This adjustment finished.

C. The position of the back cushion, with respect to the seat cushion, is adjustable up and down. An unseen, gravity actuated, back positioning device is build into the back cushion and provides this adjustment. To reposition the back, lift the back cushion slowly upward. Clicking of the locking mechanism can be heard as the back is raised. When desired position is attained, stop lifting, the back will lock into place. If a lower position is desired, lift the back upward as far as it will go. This resets the locking device. The back should then be lowered all the way down; then raised to the new, lower position. This adjustment finished.