Key Words: 24, Jack Bauer,

9:03: Way to go, Mrs. Logan! You go! This is the biggest quandary of President Logan’s career. “If we warn them, they’ll set off the gas!” You think?
9:05: The President on line 1? How many lines does that limousine have? Isn’t every presidential phone call get recorded? How can they talk about this stuff over the phone?
9:07: Edgar was just thinking to himself that the last time a pretty, blonde girl talked to me, “I ate her.”
9:08: Lynn McGill is seeming more and more insane every second.
9:10: Edgar is thinking to himself, “Mmmm. Pretty, blonde girl sandwich. Just like an Oreo, but sexier.”
9:12: Heavy traffic? That’s the best you can do, Martha? The last time you drove was 1997.
9:16: Some day, I hope to be powerful enough to fire people for multitasking. Lynn McGill will be my model.
9:17: Yes, Audrey, stand up to him. We all know he’s a douche.
9:18: I can’t believe I still watch this show. It sucks the worst. I could be watching The Apprentice or the Bachelor finale. DVR.
9:20: WTF! That guy just keeps a taser ready for situations like that? I doubt it. Or maybe.
9:28: I bet Lynn McGill is an only child. Oh, wait, his sister is a junkie.
9:29: That guy looks like Rutger Hauer. But I don’t think it was him.
9:30: Audrey just made the decision that there needs to be a change at the top. You could see it in her eyes.
9:32: Edgar just wants it known it’s not a good idea so he can blame the pretty, blonde women if he gets in trouble.
9:32: Section 112. I’m the man. I called it last week: ” How long until there is a coup and Lynn McGill gets deposed for being insane? It could happen any minute here. Jack Bauer will come into CTU with a gaggle of security and say something like, “Lynn McGill, I’m placing you in custody until this crisis is over in recognition of section X of the Y Code. Your continued leadership is no longer in the best interests of this country. Sir, please follow these men.” In fact, I think that’s happened on this show before.”
9:34: “You tell me where the solution is on this one.” See, Charles, your father didn’t want you to ask other people, he probably wanted you to solve the problems yourself.
9:36: “Pray with me, Mike.” Unbelievable. This show is ridiculous.
9:37: It’s happening now. I love the nameless “Red Shirts.” You know where their loyalty lies.
9:37: “The Incapacity Clause of Section 112.” Unjustified Usurpation. It’s all so great.
9:44: NJBKs: 7 (2 cops, 2 Secret Service guys, 1 driver, 2 terrorists). The flame thrower was a nice touch. I definitely thought Aaron Pierce was dead, but I guess he knows how to get hit by a rocket launcher.
9:52: Nice way to bring Nina Meyers back into the series.
9:53: Jack Bauer is in Custody! Jack Bauer is in Custody!
9:53: How long before gas starts leaking into that chamber? Not long, apparently.
9:55: What a crazy detonator. Can’t they set bombs off from cell phones these days?
9:57: Get him off the phone, Mike. The president is badly overmatched.
Final thoughts:
0 JBKC, 0 torture, 18 NJBD, Prediction Ratio 100%
My prediction from last week came true. And also, I added the 11 people the accurate number from the mall gas attack. Next week looks crazy and I’m pretty sure that not only did I see Kim, I THINK I SAW TONY. Unfortunately, I’ll be on an airplane from 8-10 next week.
Totals for the season, 21 JBKCs, 2 torture, 41 NJBDs, Prediction Ratio 44.4% (4 out of 9).

Key Words: 24, Jack Bauer, Julian Sands,

I’ve been thinking about the Bird Flu. I bet Jack Bauer battles the Bird Flu next year.
9:03: NJBK: 1 (The Man in the Yellow Tie). It just shows to go ya you can never trust a terrorist, even if you’re a terrorist yourself.
9:04: NJBK: 1 (Nathanson’s co-worker)
9:04: NJBK: 1 (Some one else) This is going too fast. “24″ hasn’t been too violent lately, I guess they’re making up for it now.
9:05: Ahh, the Lynn McGill’s junkie sister storyline back again. Great. I hope Mr. McGill gets jumped again.
9:06: Take responsibility, Rudy. Quitters never win. President Logan sucks.
9:07: Audrey isn’t thinking with her head, but Lynn McGill isn’t either. I’d like Lynn McGill to try to tell Jack Bauer he works for him. Because it’s been made abundantly clear at least 2 times this season that Jack Bauer doesn’t work for anyone, but himself. And the USA.
9:09: Jack Bauer is in custody! Jack Bauer is in custody!
9:09: James Nathanson here, pleased to meet you. I have know where your nerve gas is. Want me to tell you?
9:12: How many times has Jack Bauer had to put Curtis Manning into a sleeper hold? It probably happens all the time. Curits has the last doughnut and BAM Jack Bauer puts him into a sleeper hold. Curtis and Jack Bauer go out from lunch and Jack Bauer wants to pay and Curtis won’t let him? BAM Jack Bauer puts Curtis into a sleeper hold.
9:12: JBKC: 1 (Curtis Manning)
9:18: Lynn McGill is my least favorite character. Less favorite than even Chloe. There’s no way he would get to the position he’s in without sleeping with all of his bosses continually and passionately. He’s irrational, unable to control his temper, makes bad decisions constantly, and also is prone to getting mugged by his junkie sister and her boyfriend. The only one who makes stupendously bad decisions with more aplomb is President Logan.
9:20: President Logan whispers, “Is someone tracing the call.” Good thing he’s in power, I bet no one thought to try to catch the terrorists though a phone trace.
9:21: Doesn’t the president know the US doesn’t negotiate with terrorists? I thought he said something like that in the last couple weeks.
9:22: Mike Novick needs to get the president off the phone with the terrorist quickly, it’s clear he is badly overmatched.
9:23: If President Logan thinks it’s a good idea to have the route of the motorcade in his hand when the terrorists call back, it’s probably NOT a good idea.
9:28: “Someone’s screwing with me, Bill, and I won’t tolerate it.” Lynn McGill was definitely stuffed in lockers when he was a high schooler. “I don’t care how I sound.” Lynn McGill is SUCH a baby. GOD!
9:30: Nathanson needs the country to get behind him. Then he said Cummings. This show is so sexual.
9:32: NJBK: 1 (The baddie Nathonson shot)
9:34: JBKC: 2 (Baddies coming after Nathonson)
9:35: Jack Bauer just brought down a helicopter with a pistol He’s a baaaaad man.
9:35: NJBK: 1 (Nathonson)
9:37: Chloe only WISHES Jack Bauer would upload his drive to her socket.
9:42: President Logan thinks the Russians should be OK because they have a lot of security. Well, that’s good enough for me. Give it to them.
9:43: She may be crazy, but she’s not stupid! Here’s the thing First Lady Logan, he really IS considering it. How did you not know your husband was such a moron. He’s just so single minded. He latches on to the most obvious answer and that’s that. “You’re the president of the United States of America!” President Charles Logan is living proof that people really don’t put much thought into choosing the Vice President.
9:46: Lynn McGill is such a paranoid brat, he’s like a totalitarian dictator. Why would anyone be afraid of him? How long until there is a coup and Lynn McGill gets deposed for being insane? It could happen any minute here. Jack Bauer will come into CTU with a gaggle of security and say something like, “Lynn McGill, I’m placing you in custody until this crisis is over in recognition of section X of the Y Code. Your continued leadership is no longer in the best interests of this country. Sir, please follow these men.” In fact, I think that’s happened on this show before.
9:52: I bet that company Chloe just told Jack Bauer about is based in Los Angeles. That’s my prediction for this week.
9:53: “Martha, please.” Shut up, Charles, this isn’t a good idea, and there’s no way you’re going to convince me or her that it is.
9:56: It wouldn’t be a terrorist plan without dramatic sweepings of the pen and giant red x’s. Oh Julian Sands, you’re so bad.
9:57: YES! Martha is great. Totally unpredictable. Probably the best move she could have made. She really put herself on the line right there. That was awesome. Yes.
Final thoughts:
3 JBKC, 0 torture, 5 NJBD, Prediction Ratio n/a.
Looks like next week is when Lynn McGill gets relieved of his duty. It’s pretty clear that his key card will cost some money to get back or else end up in the hands of some nefarious characters, though I hope the writers of “24″ don’t expect us to believe that these particular smack addicts hang out with terrorists. My prediction about the location of the company has not yet been proven or disproven.
Totals for the season, 21 JBKCs, 2 torture, 23 NJBDs, Prediction Ratio 37.5% (3 out of 8).

Is this just me? Does anyone else have the experience of completely and baldly lying to yourself, and then totally buying into the lie, in some kind of vicious cycle of self-enablement?

Maybe I’m overselling this experience, since I’m talking about food. I’ll be sitting there on my couch, watching the Food Network, and I’ll see an interesting recipe. I’ll say to myself, “I should make that!” and instead of audibly scoffing at my own delusion, I’ll mark the TiVo episode as “save until I delete” so I can go back to that recipe later. Like homemade yogurt. Doesn’t that sound like the kind of think you’d like to have made?

“So what’d you do this weekend?”
“Made homemade yogurt.”
“Cool.”

It’s not just TV, of course; this happens on the internet. Food blogs are an excellent source of recipes I can over-ambitiously save. Like homemade ginger ale. Homemade ginger ale!

“Where’s this ginger ale from? It’s really good!”
“Yeah, I made that.”

Wouldn’t that be just awesome? Never going to happen, though.

But this isn’t a story about that. This is a story that starts with a recipe that actually did get made. This is a story about homemade granola bars. My little sister and I were talking about the overwhelming pile of old family photos that needed scanning and about how I’d never get it done on my own, and she offered to come visit for a weekend to help me get through them. “And,” she said, “we can totally bake those granola bars from ‘Good Eats.’”

Yes. Yes. We would scan, and we would bake our own granola bars. And then I could offer them to my friends, saying, “Want a granola bar? I made these.”

So she came to visit, and we scanned several hundred pictures in rough chronological order. We witnessed the photographic evidence of each Harvey sibling’s progress from adorable baby to adorable child to horrendously awkward adolescent to horrendously awkward post-adolescent to, you know, jaw-droppingly attractive adult.

And then we made granola bars. My sister and her girlfriend offered to go to the grocery store, and they came back with almost everything we needed (impressively navigating the bulk dried foods section of an unfamiliar grocery store). We didn’t, it turned out, have enough almonds. “No problem,” we said, “we’ll just see what we have in the pantry…peanuts! We’ll use peanuts.” Obviously a peanut is too large a nut (or more precisely, legume) to fit comfortably in a relatively thin granola bar, so we lightly crushed the peanuts in a mortar and pestle.

Here’s where things fell apart. She was stirring something into something else and I decided to start doing a little cleanup. I started to wash the mortar (or possibly the pestle – whichever one is the bowl) when I noticed that the fingertips on my left hand started to feel weirdly…tingly.

“I wonder why my fingers are tingling,” I thought to myself. “I wonder if it’s the peanuts.” To test this theory, I took a peanut out of the jar and popped it into my mouth. For science, I decided not to chew it, but rather just let it sit in my mouth and see what would happen. What happened was this: first my tongue and cheeks went numb, then I spit the peanut out, and then I freaked out like a little tiny girl.

This commenced about 36 hours wherein I panicked every time I put something in my mouth. “Oh my God, what if this soup has peanut in it? I can feel my throat constricting! Do you think there’re peanuts in these noodles? What about the broccoli?”

Luckily for those who have to deal with me on a more-or-less daily basis, my primary care physician referred me to an allergist pretty much instantaneously. My first appointment with Dr. Weisman was, well, underwhelming. I decided to walk to his office, since it’s about two blocks away from our house, which I suppose constitutes some minor aerobic activity. Then when the nurse called me in she kind of jogged up the stairs ahead of me, so I jogged after her. Long story short, when they took my pulse my heart rate was around 150. The doctor looked at me and said, “Are you in that bad of shape?” and a little part of my pride died that day.

The good doctor wrote down my story, said, “You might be allergic to peanuts,” (which, let’s be honest, I had figured out even without a fancy medical degree) and then described his diagnostic plan.

Step one: a blood test. Apparently there’s a blood test they can do for allergies. I don’t have any idea what they’re looking for. Some kind of peanut antibody? I don’t know. He may even have told me, but as soon as he said blood test most of my sensory organs shut down in panic. I don’t like needles. I really don’t like needles, and I’m way past the age where it’s cute or even acceptable to be as freaked out by needles as I am. What makes it worse is that now I’m old enough that I have to take myself to get the blood test voluntarily; I can’t rely on someone to drag me there.

My blood was drawn by a gentleman I refer to as the phlegmatic phlebotomist. (Yes, I’m proud of that alliteration, and you would be, too.) He responded with a shrug and a “whatever you want to do” when I told him that I’m bad with needles and that I’d like to try to read my book in an attempt to distract myself while he did his dirty work. I did annoy him, though, when I told him to wait and took my left arm back (after he’d already tied the rubber thing around my bicep) in order to turn the page.

Worst part over, to be sure, but I still had to wait the two weeks until my next allergist appointment to find out the results. This wouldn’t have been all that bad except for two things. I was now carrying around an Epi-Pen and still avoiding peanuts as though they were poison, and I had to start obsessing about step two in Dr. Weisman’s diagnostic strategy: the skin test.

I was in a no-win situation. If the blood work came back positive, then, crap, I’m allergic to peanuts. If it came back negative, then to be safe he was going to move on to the skin prick test. I didn’t know what it entailed, but I had a feeling it involved my skin, and something pricking it, and see above in regards to my feelings about needles.

The blood test came back negative. (Actually, apparently they first mistakenly did a test for a pea allergy, but luckily there was enough blood left over to do the peanut test without my having to go back in to give more. I am also not allergic to peas.)

You will all be relieved to know that the skin prick test involves a tiny plastic tube with these adorable little plastic spikes on the end. It itched like hell when they gave me the pure histamine one (as a control), but it didn’t hurt at all. I was so brave!

The skin test also produced negative results. I tested negative for allergies to peanuts, walnuts, brazil nuts, hazelnuts, coconuts, and three other things that end with the word “nut.”

Now that I had two negative test results, Dr. Weisman told me it didn’t look like I was allergic, but there was still a chance. He said I basically had two choices. “You can not eat peanuts anymore, or you can come in and do a Peanut Challenge.”

A Peanut Challenge. Aw, hell yeah I want to take the Peanut Challenge. Just me and the peanut, mano a mano. Bring it on, Mr. Peanut. I’ll knock that monocle right off your smirking face.

It turns out the peanut challenge works like this: I go into the doctor’s office, and they feed me a peanut.

Ok, there’s slightly more to it than that. They carefully weigh out some amount of peanut (on, believe it or not, a postal scale) and have me eat it under controlled circumstances while standing by with an Epi-Pen just in case. That’s pretty much the extent of it.

The best part? The doctor’s last instructions to me. “When you come back in a month for the challenge, bring some peanut butter.” That’s right, this Peanut Challenge is BYOP.

It’s the morning after Valentine’s Day. We had a fabulous dinner at our favorite restaurant: a complimentary Kir Royale, a 7-course tasting menu, and wine paired to each course. A gustatory extravagance. We didn’t get to sleep until well after midnight, and I overslept, and now I have a headache and I’m running late and of course the car is almost out of gas. I pull into the Shell station around the corner (I know, I’m supposed to go to Hess because they give more political money to Democrats but, see above, I’m running late).

Just as I’m finishing up and pulling the nozzle out of the tank, he comes up to me. His car is idling at the pump on the other side of the island. He’s wearing sunglasses and a baseball cap and he ambles — that’s the only word for it — over to me, and heartily wishes me a good morning and a Happy Valentine’s Day. I’m wary but I return the greeting. He introduces himself: his name is Mike. I replace the gas cap, tell him I’m M—, and head towards my door.

“M—! I’ll remember that: M&M’s, we have the same first letter.”

Then he launches into his story. It’s windy, and his enunciation isn’t perfect, but I get the gist. He lives in Newport. He’s out of gas. He lost his wallet. He wants some money for gas, and suddenly, I’m flashing back to San Francisco, six years ago.

…

I’m 23 or 24. I’m in San Francisco for a week, sent out by my company to work on some ridiculous software project that we shouldn’t have started in the first place. The customer is pretty crazed, and we’re all working 10-hour days. I have a cold. My dad’s in the hospital. I’m tired, sick, and I want to go home.

Actually, all I want at this point is to get to my hotel, which means hailing a cab. I really, really suck at hailing cabs. It’s stressful and terrifying and part of why I don’t live in a real city. Whenever I’m in New York, I have to have someone else get the cab for me. It’s pathetic, really. Once Rachel and I were in New York for a romantic weekend to see a Broadway show (Ragtime) and we started walking from the theater to our hotel when we realized it was fricking freezing out and we were stupid and should take a cab. I made a few half-hearted attempts to get one on my own, and then guiltily slunk into a line for cabs outside some random hotel and let the doorman hail one for us. Not my proudest moment.

So anyway, I’m standing on this corner in downtown San Francisco, sniffling, hungry, and exhausted, when I see this guy walking towards me. He’s tall, well-dressed, African-American, and striding down the block with great purpose. He greets me, asks if I’m from around here, and launches into his story. I can’t remember the details, but you can probably guess the broad outlines, car broke down, wife’s sick, lost wallet, needs money for repairs, etc.

Right away I can tell it’s a scam. His patter is too good. He even slips up once — even after I told him that I’m not from San Francisco, he still says the line, “I don’t have AAA, and your police are no help.” Your police. If he was telling the truth, if he was talking off the top of his head, would he have made that mistake? I didn’t think so. But somehow I find myself taking out my wallet and giving him $40 anyway.

I don’t know why I did it. No, that’s not true; I know exactly why I did it. I was tired and miserable, and didn’t have the energy to make a scene or argue with him. I remember he took my business card, like he was going to somehow pay me back or something. I finally went back inside, called a cab company to come pick me up, and finally made it into bed. I felt like an idiot. I felt like even more of an idiot a few days later on a shuttle to the airport, when I heard the two guys in the seat in front of me talking about being approached by the same guy with the same story and telling him to get lost.

…

So back in the present day, Mike’s asking for money, and I’m not going to give him any. I start to stammer out excuses. (Literally. I know that’s an expression people use, but I actually began to literally stammer out excuses.) I had no cash on me. (True.) I was running late. (True.) I was really, sincerely sorry I couldn’t help him.

“You’re not sorry,” Mike said, walking away in disgust. “If you were sincere, you’d help me out.”

I got in my car, and I drove away.

And Mike was right. I thought about it on the way to work. I decided he was scamming me, and so I turned him down. He asked for help, and I turned him down. Maybe I was right, and it was a scam. Worst case, I’d be out a few bucks. But what if I was wrong? The worst case for him is a lot worse than it was for me.

I really hope he got home.

Key Words: 24, Jack Bauer, C. Thomas Howell, Sandrine Holt, ER,

I’m not excited about this week’s episode. I didn’t think the previews from last week were that good and frankly, I could shut this season off right and not suffer the shakes of withdrawal.
9:02: I have to reiterate the idiocy of the plot twist which led Lynn McGill to get mugged by his junkie sister.
9:03: There’s no way for anyone to get anywhere in any city in five minutes. It will probably take him 5 minutes to get out of the building.
9:06: “No statement until his wife has been notified.” I think the President learned that in the Presidential Clichés class he took his sophomore year of President College.
9:06: Yes, Mike, go on. Paint a picture for the second stupidest president, real or fake, ever. Wasn’t it clear when we saw Walt dead that the administration would change their story? It was to me. President Logan must have had other stuff on his mind, like what would happen if gorillas and rabbits mated. Is that a gorabbit or a rabilla?
9:08:Stop asking questions, Evelyn, or you’ll be sent back to small roles on ER. You don’t want that, do you?
9:11: Raise your hand if you think Chloe would be able to describe the reconfiguration of a chip well enough for Jack Bauer to pretend to be technology dude. Me neither
9:12: Jack Bauer is in custody! Jack Bauer is in custody!
9:13: Audrey, stop thinking with your heart. Jack Bauer is a big boy, he can take care of himself. See! Bill Buchanan just said it!
9:18: If the First Lady doesn’t understand what’s going on here, maybe she SHOULD be committed to that place in Vermont..
9:18: How many times do you think President Logan can say “I’m the president” to his wife!? She’s not going to tolerate it forever, that’s for sure.
9:20: Hello. I just realized that C. Thomas Howell is listed as a cast member in tonight’s episode. What could the star of “Red Dawn” and “Soul Man” be doing on “24″? I’d like to think that he’s bigger than a bit part on a series like “24″, but if I were to think that’d I’d most certainly be wrong.
9:22: Lynn McGill is pissed about getting mugged by his junkie sister (for what I can only assume is the tenth time) so he’s going to take it out on thousands of innocent consumers? That doesn’t make any sense. What am I talking about? Nothing on this show makes sense. You know when you’re supposed to stop watching a television series? When it becomes an arduous task to suspend your disbelief. Careful “24″ you’re in uncharted waters, suspending this writer’s disbelief has always been so simple.
9:28: NJBD: 1 (Mall security guard).
9:30: My guess is it would be hard for Jack Bauer to stand there and hear this conversation and not want to whisper a line disparaging Lynn McGill’s manhood for getting mugged by his junkie sister, in what is beginning to look more and more like a throwaway plot twist.
9:31: “100% certainty?” Lynn McGill, how can you possibly say that with a straight face?
9:32: “This is a field operation, it’s up to you.” Haha, that was sweet. I’m going to use that line when I don’t want to make a decision. This is the silliest and most ridiculous president of all time. Err, the second silliest and most ridiculous president of all time.
9:33: Doesn’t Lynn McGill know that he can’t “order” Jack Bauer to do anything? Lynn, he doesn’t work for you, duh. That goes doubly for the president.
9:40: “This is war.” Did Congress declare that, Lynn? Because if they didn’t, it’s only an armed conflict and not a war. You know that.
9:41: JBKC: 1 (Terrorist)
9:43: It’s funny to imagine Jack Bauer walking though the mall in a gas mask holding a gun while people run in the opposite direction in terror. The only thing that would make it better is if he could possibly be wearing night vision goggles and a bow tie.
9:45: I’m not sure which drug Jack Bauer asked for, but how did he know which one to ask for? Jack Bauer is saving young girls left and right now. Kim, Kim, Kim, Kim!
9:51: You seem to be incapable of doing that, Lynn McGill, because you spend all your time getting mugged by your junkie sister. Doesn’t that type of thing show up on a background check? You know it does. That’s why the president referenced it just then.
9:54: That’s right, First Lady, take your medicine, you know it’s the right thing to do. For Walt’s family, AND for the country. Don’t be stubborn, you know you were wrong. Oh come on, don’t be that way, give your hubby a kiss. Mike Logan is so not getting laid tonight.
9:55: Can Curtis drive with a gas mask? I guess so.
9:56: NJBD: 1 (The other terrorist)
Final thoughts:
1 JBKC, 0 torture, 2 NJBD, Prediction Ratio n/a.
That’s two episodes past the point I thought that Kim Bauer would make her appearance. Also, was C. Thomas Howell on tonight or not? Can anyone confirm that? I get really frustrated when Jack Bauer and CTU don’t use the technology and knowledge they’ve used in past seasons or even past episodes. It’s like they have selective terrorism fighting skills. I hate it.
Totals for the season, 18 JBKCs, 2 torture, 18 NJBDs, Prediction Ratio 37.5% (3 out of 8).

Key Words: 24, Jack Bauer, Richard Nixon, Gregory Itzin, Elisha Cuthbert,

Well, Jack Bauer, what have you got for me this week?
9:03: I’m pretty sure they choseGregory Itzin to play President Logan because of how much he looks like Richard M. Nixon.
9:05: A daughter? Who doesn’t know you’re alive? Maybe you should see her at some point in the next hour? What do you think Jack Bauer? I was right, I was right. How long before she shows up?
9:05: Jack Bauer, the president won’t let you quit, he’s latched on to you like a giant boa constrictor of Executive Privilege and there’s no way for you to get out now.
9:06: The man with the yellow tie is an equal opportunity terrorist. If he can’t kill Russians, he’ll happily kill Americans.
9:07: What is Lynn’s relationship with this crack hooker? Oh, his sister. It seems like all the good genes went to Lynn from that set of parents. How are they going to make his meeting with her more dramatic, and more importantly, where is he going to get $500 in the next twenty minutes without going to the bank? I guess we’ll find out.
9:11: Chloe is a good problem solver when the problem is a high-end proprietary security system and the solution is the dude she was bagging. Also, she’s very adept at rolling her eyes.
9:12: “Audrey, the president thinks I can help.” Jack Bauer’s blood isn’t red, it’s red, white and blue.
9:18: Really, I don’t think there’s any chance that the First Lady’s going to be the first one he turns to for advice. Especially if she keeps slapping him like that. It’s not going to make her seem less loony.
9:19: Are we supposed to sympathize with President Logan and think that’s he’s changed a lot and that he’s going to be a good president for the next eighteen hours? I don’t know about you, but it’s going to take more than a kiss and slap scene with his wife and the aide he arrested illegally for me to change my mind.
9:21: “The only thing they won’t forgive is being lied to.” “I agree, why don’t we work on it together and see what we come up with.” Sheesh. This show definitely sucks again. Last week was unfortunately an exception and not the rule.
9:21: “It’s a proprietary network, so get to work.” Chloe’s describing the security on the building Jack Bauer needs to get into. Now, I don’t know what “proprietary network” means, really, but it seems like the majority of America, probably doesn’t either. However, I have to imagine that the people who do know what that means probably think this show is pretty dumb, though.
9:24: “Status check blue” sounds like “Flank 2 position.” Doesn’t it?
9:26: JBKC: 4 (3 security guards, Roessler).
9:28: I don’t have much to say about the Russian slave Roessler was keeping. It was funny, however, when she asked if Jack Bauer and Curtis were the police and Jack Bauer said something or other. Like she knows the difference.
9:33: I kind of hope the terrorist kills the motorcycle mechanic just to prove a point. “See kids, it just shows to go ya that you can NEVER trust a terrorist.”
9:35: “Trust me, you don’t want to go down this road with me.” If that guy just cried out like that from a little slap, there’s no way he’s going to last too long. He just doesn’t have the stones. Torture: 1. I really like the way Jack Bauer bargains. This guy asks for a lot, Jack Bauer does not bend an inch. WTF? Lynn just lets this guy go? No way. I guess he doesn’t have time for this type of thing when family is involved. How can Jack Bauer let him have the girl? He’s got a daughter about that age. How would Jack Bauer feel if someone took his daughter and used her as a pawn in an immunity deal with an aider abettor of known terrorists? How would he feel if he knew I made up words like aider?
9:42: Jack Bauer’s beautiful plan is to put a chip onto a chip? That doesn’t really seem like it’s going to work out, but Jack Bauer does what he wants around here.
9:44: Chloe has a serious personality disorder. It’s not even worth pretending that you’d want to hang out with her because having her around would not be revenue neutral. She’d be a total drag
9:46: What is going to happen in the west hallway? I can’t even imagine what the next plot twist is going to be. Oh. Walt Cummings is hanging from the ceiling. That fits.
9:47: NJBD: 1 (Walt Cummings). Something’s definitely up, and I don’t just mean Walt hanging from the ceiling. The first lady had motive (Cummings killed Palmer), Mike Novick had motive (political fallout reduction), President Charles Logan had motive… Well, no he didn’t, but he is clueless enough for lots of crimes to be committed on his watch.
9:52: Really, why is Lynn carrying $500 around? Oh. He’s just got a piece of paper worth $500. Samwise is such a douche, he just got mugged by his sister and her guy. How many times do you suppose that’s happened? 4? 5? Lynn’s sister probably calls every spring and pulls the same trick. Unbelievable. What was the point of that little plot twist? Did they really need to fill time that badly? I guess so.
9:54: Jack Bauer is really going to try to send this 15 year old off with Roessler? There’s just no way.
9:55: Listen to Jack Bauer. When he says something like “I promise I won’t let anything happen to you,” one of two things is going to happen. Either nothing is going to happen to you, or something really bad is going to happen to you.
9:55: Prediction: The Russian girl isn’t in the bedroom when they get back.
9:56: YES! See?! That’s why you can’t trust a terrorist. They give their word they won’t kill you and then they kill you after you finish helping them.
9:57: Damn it. Wrong again. The Russian girl was there. And no Kim Bauer? WTF.
9:58: Well, that works, too. Imagine how mad President Logan will be when he hears that a 15 year old illegal Russian immigrant just shot the only link to the nerve gas. He’ll ask if that’s enough to go to war. I know it!
Final thoughts:
4 JBKC, 1 torture, 2 NJBD, Prediction Ratio 0% (0 out of 2).
It was pretty clear that something was going to happen with the Russian girl. She was either going to kill herself, kill the guy, or run away. I thought run away made the most sense, but I should have been able to figure it out. I’ve got to step it up.
Totals for the season, 17 JBKCs, 2 torture, 16 NJBDs, Prediction Ratio 37.5% (3 out of 8).

Pasta. Chili. Stews. More pasta. Leftover chili.

Oy. I’m full just remembering. It was time for a change. Something lighter. Something healthier. Something impressive and yet easy. And then it came to me: ceviche. Tuna ceviche, to be precise, since we hadn’t had tuna in a long while. The ceviche ingredients (avocado, cucumber, tomato, red onion, limes) had already been purchased, and I planned to swing by the store on the way home from work for the freshest possible tuna.

And then I saw it. Sitting there in the fish case, calling to me — taunting me, almost — coyly, seductively, irresistably: Ultrafrozen sushi grade tuna.

Ultra. Frozen. Sushi. Grade. Tuna.

Yes, yes, it was $20/pound. But dammit, I’m worth it. And we only needed about half a pound. So, into the cart it went, and out the window went the plans for ceviche. It would have been a crime to cook or even marinate this tuna. No, it had to be enjoyed as it was, and since I didn’t feel like buying nori and don’t trust my ability to make rice, that meant no sushi, but rather “sashimi.”

(I’m putting sashimi in quotes because I don’t think I can presume to say that what I actually ended up making was really sashimi, and I have this fear of an authentic Japanese chef seeing this and shaking their head in dismay. Or, like, of Iron Chef Morimoto jumping into his monitor, out of mine, and pummeling me to death. He could do it, too.)

By the way, guess what happens when your cats get a whiff of the Ultrafrozen sushi grade tuna you brought home?

Once the cats were shooed, I still had to do some fancy thinkin’. The greens upon which the ceviche was to sit became a simple salad with a Japanese-inflected sesame vinaigrette: sesame oil, rice vinegar, salt, pepper, wasabi powder. The other ingredients got chopped and made into a ceviche-without-the-fish salad: diced avocado, roma tomato, red onion, cilantro, lime juice. (Sadly, I made this last week and can’t remember exactly the proprotions.)

I had a spare avocado, and I had this idea originally that I could make some kind of a dressing using the avocado instead of oil, but it ended up being way too thick. So, change of plans: an avocado, plenty of lime juice, some rice vinegar, a tablespoon of soy sauce, and a dash of wasabi powder went into the blender, and came out as a smooth and tasty paste. I spread a teaspoon or so of it on the plate, and laid the slices of tuna on top. Sprinkle with sesame seeds and scallions for garnish, and we had something that, even it if isn’t authentic, was delicious.