Rachel and I just got back from a week in a Caribbean paradise, so getting off the plane in 5-degree weather (in short-sleeves, no less) was a bit of a shock. It was probably that, coupled with a desire to eat in a somewhat more healthy manner, that led us to dub this week the Week of Soups.

We spent Sunday morning searching the magical Internet for soup recipes, and found three that sounded pretty good. The first one was this butternut squash soup recipe from All Recipes.

I shan’t reproduce the recipe here, since you can click that link and see it for yourself, but it basically involves roasting a squash, a head of garlic, and some onions, pureeing them, and then simmering them with spices in vegetable broth. Really can’t be simpler.

Rachel liked it, but I thought it was only OK. It had the sweetness that you expect from a butternut squash soup, but it interacted kind of oddly, for me, with the curry flavor. (It’s entirely possible that lame curry powder and broth are to blame.) If I were doing this again, I might have sauteed the squash with the curry powder to bring out more flavor. I also think it needed some heat — when we get the leftovers out of the freezer in a few weeks, I’ll probably add a dash of cayenne.

11:00: This is a pretty good touch. Last week ended with the President speaking, so clearly he is speaking at the beginning of this week, too. It’s the small things, people, that’s why we watch.

-So we’ve got a “Karen Hayes Problem.” Do you think Bill Buchannon will let Tom Lennox take care of the “Karen Hayes Problem?” I doubt it. Tom Lennox thinks Karen Hayes is a, “Bleeding heart liberal, preaching civil liberties.”

-Chad Lowe, dropped by Hillary Swank, rebounds with ‘24’. Good move. At least ‘24’ won’t dump you when it wins an Oscar

-Gray Bauer has got a sweaty, bald head. The bag is going back on. This doesn’t count as a torture scene since it’s a continuation of last week’s torture scene.

-How is Jack Bauer going to just believe his brother now? Stab him in the knee. Stab him in the knee! That’s how you get people to talk.

-I don’t believe Gray, why would Jack Bauer?

11:09: I thought all of the C.T.U. field teams were killed in the nuke? They’ve got 2 more at Jack Bauer’s beck and call?

11:15: I’d think that after a nuclear bomb went off, there would definitely be a curfew enforced. That’s how you’d find Fayed.

-So I’m thinking Graham is lying, but Graham is talking 2 steps down the line about indictments. It doesn’t make any sense! He’s basically saying, “I’m lying, but in my lie scenario, you’re going to get me indicted.” Maybe Graham’s not lying and I’m just inclined to think he is because ‘24’ has trained me so well.

-Jessie thinks Darren’s girlfriend looks a little like Kim. I hate Kim.

-I knew it! “Your negativity is not what I need right now, I need less stress, not more!” I totally called him kicking her out of the car! Damn, she sweet talked him.

-I can’t take Milo seriously. He had the same stupid facial hair in Six Feet Under. It looked stupid then, it looks stupid now.

-What are the chances that Nadia is flagged as someone with Muslim descent, she gets cleared, and then turns out to be a baddie? “She’s a registered Republican for crying out loud.”

-Walid is solid. Heydar has a cell phone. He’s the man! Where do you suppose he smuggled that in? I have a guess.

-Here is Tom Lennox’s power move. A threat. Bill Buchannon’s going to take the fall because he doesn’t care. Karen is going take this to the President. I don’t think Tom Lennox is going to win this one. If she’s a patriot, she’ll stay around and fight this. What are the positions of these people? AG? NSA?

11:31: This is ridiculous. We know Morris would be just as pissed off, so why wouldn’t they just tell the truth.

-Uh oh, Milo. This could be bad. You can’t log in under you user ID. What if she’s a terrorist? What if she’s not? It could go either way. This is going to come up again.

-Wayne Palmer is not going to accept her resignation. That’s clear! It’s clear. Don’t accept! Wayne needs her. Tom Lennox is going down! Whew. What are you going to do Tom? The President doesn’t accept.

-Damn it. Why didn’t Karen just tell him the truth? Weak!

-Did Chad Lowe just put a bug on Karen Hayes?

11:41: I feel like Walid is going to end up stabbed.

-What the F? How’d he get the phone? Walid is a magician.

-This is awesome. The FBI is great, they’ve got super technology.

-How is he going to get the phone put back? This makes me nervous.

-If these guys are not terrorists, what do they care if Walid stole the phone? They’d just be mad, but not terrorist mad.

-Oh man. This is not good.

-That fight scene was crazy. ‘24’, pushing the limits. It’s why we watch!

11:51: Those 2 C.T.U. field agents don’t appear to be long for this world, something about them says, “One episode extras.”

-Electronic shredding file? I want one.

-JBKC: 4 (Daddy Bauer’s guy).

-Hello, James Cromwell. I just saw you in The Queen this weekend. You were great as Prince Phillip.

11:55: Do you think Jack Bauer could torture his father?

-Hasn’t Jack Bauer had 3 or 4 lovers since Terry? Graham is going to piss him off by saying something about her? Weren’t they going to get a divorce?

-“This is insane.” That’s exactly what I was going to say.

-I’m telling you, Graham’s guys are no match for Jack Bauer.

11:57: Also, aren’t the C.T.U. agents out there watching the exits?

-What did I tell you about those C.T.U. guys not being long for this world?

So Jack Bauer’s been captured, which should last about 5 minutes next week. Karen Hayes resigned which could be final or not, but if she’s flying to LA, she’s off the show for 6 or 7 weeks. I thought ‘24’ help up rather well this week. They’ve backed off a little from Melrose Place, which is nice. Which do you suppose will end up being a bigger deal in the coming weeks? Karen Hayes or Nadia being a terrorist?

Helen Mirren was amazing in this role of a lifetime and if she doesn’t win the Oscar, than someone else surely will. You know we love James Cromwell at Unlikely Words, so if we knew anything about Prince Phillip, we’d say he was excellent. I read somewhere that, “More Americans would have gone to see ‘The Queen’ if they knew it was about Princess Diana,” which is totally true.

No DVD on Amazon yet, here’s IMDB

So tonight, Jack Bauer gets pulled back in after showing a mental mortality none of us would have expected. Perhaps even weakness. I’m watching tonight with JR and Kate. It should be a lot easier to project my disdain with people who will have no choice but to appreciate it. Common courtesy dictates that they at least pretend to appreciate it.

10:00: 1 square mile in Valencia destroyed by the suitcase nuke.

-12,000 people died in the nuke, ~900 before that. That’s exactly why I’m not counting all the people that are killed by people other than Jack Bauer. The show doesn’t deal in absolutes!

-Buchannon didn’t say 4 more nukes were stolen. What he has is information that there are 4 other nukes out there, not that 4 others were stolen. How does Karen Hayes screw that up?

-All of the C.T.U. field teams are dead. Tough.

-In ‘24’ world, the President has a bunker with glass doors where cell phones still work. Aren’t bunkers made of several yards of poured concrete and steel? Bunker busting cell phones.

-Oh, Morris, you dog. Who wouldn’t want to help Chloe boot up packet routers? Not you!

-Look at that. Fayed and the terrorists just avoided hitting a little girl with their van. They’re terrorists, but they’re not animals.

-Fayed needs someone to reprogram the bombs in the next couple hours, how’s he going to find that person?

-That helicopter on the roof was a really brilliant post apocalyptic scene. The first time I’ve been impressed with ‘24’ this year.

10:09: This guy was just flying a helicopter around, and crash lands on a roof. Are roofs really strong enough to hold helicopters? I want to try this out.

-“Stay here,” says Jack Bauer to the guy he pulled out of an exploding helicopter. “Stay here, on the roof of this house. This house that you just crash landed on,” is what he meant.

-“Not after this.” Jack Bauer’s back, Fayed, watch out.

10:16: “If these guys want to live in the stone age, let’s put them there.” I’m pretty sure that’s a direct quote from a current neocon. I also think that while there may be neocons in the military, most of the major drivers to our current predicament are civilians. But way to go, ‘24’. The President and the neocons have started blaming the military (and not supporting the troops) so why shouldn’t ‘24’ throw the military under the bus, too?

-“The President is speaking.” See now the snake Tom Lennox is being a good character. Last week, he was a conniving spider, now he’s a Presidential loyalist.

-Buchannon and Assad meet. Do they shake? Nope! Wow, Buchannon is cold.

10:25: Something’s up, Chloe, Morris, and Milo (what a dumb name, they couldn’t come up with another one?) are a twitter.

-B-Window? What’s a B-Window? I want this new technology of which they speak.

-Jack Bauer has a father? Enter stage right, Mr. Cromwell, you’ll be standing right over here.

10:27: Jack Bauer hasn’t spoken to Jack Bauer’s father in 9 years? Even after his wife died? Cold.

-What’s the story with this FBI agent? I think ‘24’ wants us to think something is up with him, which makes me think nothing else is up. Damn you, ‘24’.

-This is another pretty good scene. They’re going to bug him some how. Why didn’t they do stuff like this last week.

-“Ms. Palmer, I advised you to leave, but if you want to stay, keep your comments to yourself.”

-Jack Bauer’s father…Brother!?!?…left yesterday? That’s suspicious. Jack Bauer has a brother? And a father who has a servant? And there is surveillance on the father’s house?

-WOAH

-JACK BAUER’S BROTHER IS THE BAD GUY FROM LAST YEAR.

-‘24’ has officially crossed over into Melrose Place territory and I’m unhappy about it.

-My friend Jon alerts to me the fact that he has put ‘24’ on warning. They have 2-4 weeks to prove that this storyline works before giving up on them. I’m not sure I’m too far behind Jon. Except, don’t worry, I’ll be blogging all season, I just might find it more difficult to suspend my disbelief.

-This is a lot to go over in a commercial… Mind blowing, wow.

10:38:Good fake surprise, Graham Bauer.

-So it was relatively common knowledge that Jack Bauer was in China? Didn’t they all think he was dead before he got kidnapped to China? Or did after he get kidnapped by China, did they publicize his kidnapping? Amber alert, milk cartons?

-How did Jack Bauer get a car? Wasn’t he being driven by a C.T.U. agent?

-JR and Kate recognize Graham Bauer’s wife as the woman from Heroes, Ed, and General Hospital. They’re good like that.

-Graham Bauer’s wife has a soft spot for Jack Bauer, which may be the cause for 2 of the worst days in Jack Bauer’s life, not to mention 20 months in a Chinese torture prison/salon. The brother/puppetmaster as jealous brother acting out to get attention? At least he’s as short as Jack Bauer.

-Tom Lennox is embracing the politics of fear. Tom Lennox is in favor of fear if it leads to his ends.

-Wouldn’t any underground electrical engineer guy, with the ability to do what they need done with the nuke’s know that any work they would be doing would be on other nukes? I guess they’re paying THAT much.

-I think this guy’s going to let his annoying girlfriend out at some point..

-Fayed just said that the bomb’s will go off today as scheduled. So were they always planning on having all of the bombs go off in California or in someplace within driving distance of LA? That doesn’t seem like the most logical way for terrorists to wield terror. But maybe that’s what they were going for. You’ll never know when the next couple bombs are going off?

10:49: Buchannon maybe be a cool cucumber, but he’s a man of honor and understands Assad’s mission. They will be friends forever.

10:50: Heydar is right. Don’t trust Walid, he is a tool of the infidels.

-“You remember that and you’ll be fine.” This was another example of leverage being switched around. The FBI agent was like “You’re only here because you’re the President’s sister”. And Sandra was like, “Don’t forget it.” She doesn’t back down from anyone.

-Walid is a pro. “IAA, I’m regional director.”

-Walid is in!

10:53: I think Jack Bauer is about to torture his brother.

-Nice hug, Graham.

-Josh Bauer, meet your uncle, Jack Bauer.

-Jack Bauer’s eyes say so much, Marilyn’s eyes say so much more. Hurt, betrayal, hot smoldering passion and lust.

-So is the name Gray or Graham? He’s too new of a character to keep changing his name back and forth.

10:56:

-“Relax a little.” Oh Graham, you know not of what you speak. Jack Bauer tortures people to relax. Got it?

-“Don’t raise your voice, or I will rip your tongue out, are we clear? People are dying…If you know something, tell me, or I’ll hurt you.” “You’re hurting me now.” “Trust me I’m not.” I wish that was my cell phone ringer or something.

-Torture Scene: 3. (Graham Bauer by Jack Bauer).

-Wow, Wayne Palmer is a terrible TV speech reader. Maybe this is what President’s normally sound like.

So, where are we? The Keysar Soze character from last year ends up being Jack Bauer’s brother. I’m expecting Bill Buchannon to take off his wig in the bathroom showing a lobotomy scar explaining why he is slowly going crazy over the course of the day. I’m not really into it. I just watched Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip and I kind of wish that I was blogging that instead. I truly enjoy that show, while I watch 24 because I enjoy blogging about it. Oh well.

It’s a couple of days late, but I am committed to continuing this new musical feature. Here’s what ended up in my iTunes “Added This Week” playlist since January 8:

Beirut, “Elephant Gun” from IndieFeed.com. When the dude started singing, my hand hovered over the “skip” button, but as soon as the accordion kicked in, I let it play. And a good thing, too! The host compares them to DeVotchKa, whom I should really go back and listen to. 4 stars.

Guava Duff, “Destroyed” from IndieFeed.com. This one starts out with a handicap on account of the really stupid band name, but it’s catchy. The vocals are a little flat on the high notes, but I should probably shut up about that. It kind of sounds like every college band ever trying to sound jazzy, but for all that it’s listenable. 3 stars.

Monolith, “The Sounding” from IndieFeed.com. On my first listening, I was decidedly neutral. On second listening, I kind of like it. It’s got some nice melody going on. 3 stars.

Let’s Go Pop, by I Rock Cleveland. This is a mix of “power pop” made by, well, some guy, I guess. I had high hopes. I like pop! On downloading it, I find, style-wise, it’s more or less The Sounds of Matt’s High School Experience (1989-1993), with Brendan Benson and The New Pornographers thrown in. That isn’t a bad thing, but I wasn’t as thrilled on listening as I thought I would have been. There are some things I hadn’t heard before, but none of them are going to be a new favorite. That said, if you somehow haven’t heard “The Laws Have Changed,” you should grab it right now. Other highlights: Benson’s “Spit it Out,” and classics like Teenage Fanclub’s “Star Sign,” Big Star’s “September Gurls,” and, ironically, The Replacements’ “Alex Chilton.” Overall: 3 stars.

A 1-minute snippet of the Holmes Brothers’ cover of Cheap Trick’s “I Want You To Want Me,” a different exceprt from which can be downloaded here from Austin 360. Holy crap! As the man says, it’s “as pure an example of art and skill transcending and transforming what we would ordinarily take to be inferior materials” as you’ll find. So awesome. Want! 4 stars.

Apples In Stereo, “Energy”. Oh, Apples In Stereo. Does it get happier or peppier? I don’t think it does. This one is an instant sing-along. Just go download, and start your enjoyment. 5 stars.

Last night:

“Ok, well, I’m pretty tired. I should get to bed, and — dammit!”

“What?”

“I forgot to take the trash out.”

“Well, tomorrow’s a holiday, so you’re OK.”

“Sweet! Thank God for Martin Luther King.”

Yes, truly our home is a bastion of sensitivity. For some serious reflection on Dr. King, Fontana Labs as you covered. (And, as is always the case, you should read the comments.)

9:00: “A Sergeant is missing.” They have to find this Namir guy. Bill Buchannon is starting to lose it.

-“Capturing Namir is our top priority.” I wish I had access to all of CTU’s top priorities over the years. Just to see how they turned out and how many actually ended up being the TOP priority.

-Chloe really needs to be able to cover for Morris a little better than that. She walked right into that. Morris and Milo are so silly.

-This is the second year in a row that we have a threat in which hundreds of thousands of people will die. Maybe the third year in a row. Who knows. I can’t keep track of it anymore.

-“There’s you and us, there is no we.” Kind of like the UBS slogan, but this is Curtis and Assad and the USA, not a financial institution.

-Curtis really has an issue with Assad. Time was Jack would say jump and Curtis would ask how high. Curtis must have gotten a big time raise in the 20 months since Jack was back. Either that or a personal thing. Probably a personal thing.

-How many of these pain pills has Ahmed taken? Won’t they make him sleepy?

-I love how people continually leverage each other in this show. Ray and Kumar just flipped then flipped back and now Ray is on the bottom again. Ray values Scott more than his wife. Think they’ll bring that up in therapy next week?

-How is Ray going to find the address? I hope he’s got a GPS.

-Jill, I think that’s the right move, even though Kumar told them not to call the cops.

9:19: Milo and Chloe and Morris, threesome! Yes. I’m glad, because, well, I just love this show and Morris.

-Milo and Morris are best friends now, I love that, I was getting tired of that story line.

-Jillian meet Jack Bauer, all of your problems are solved. And Jack Bauer will fix the drain when they’re done, too.

-Anytime anyone wants to make a deal on this show, they need to see it in writing first. What does that mean? Like the President couldn’t draft up some shit and then go back on it?

-“Do I detect a threat?” “Yes.” Sandra Palmer doesn’t give an F and she’s not afraid to tell Tom Lennox that.

-How is Walid going to save the day? I’m thinking that maybe he doesn’t make it out of the day. But he’s going to get some info from those guys in the detention center. We’ll see.

9:28: Ray is having a REALLY bad day. It’s too bad he didn’t leave the package and call Kumar to have Fayed to check.

9:37: Why are Tom Lennox and the NSA chief Karen Hayes doing the messaging on this Assad agreement?

-Good thing Kumar is all doped up, otherwise he might see CTU coming in.

9:39: Heh, he is TOO doped up. I see. Scott’s going to kill Kumar by accident before Jack Bauer can capture him.

-Yeah, Scott. 3501 Old Mill Rd, Valencia. Scott’s the man. He is SO much better at this shit than Kim Bauer.

9:48: So is this an urgent call or a ‘priority 3’? Isn’t it likely that they’re going to do the tactical strike and the suitcase nuke will be long gone? According to Nasir, he’ll be done right around 10 of 10.

-I love Walid, he’s a true patriot. He cares more about his country than the admissibleness of the evidence he’s gathering. Sandra, you better believe it.

-Jack Bauer better tell Curtis to LOCK IT UP. Curtis has got to get it together.

-This is one of the things I read about on the internet before watching it. I read that Curtis doesn’t make it, and I hope he does, but I’m not feeling good about it.

-Damn it. I’ve never been sadder. Why couldn’t he have shot him in the arm? I guess I should have been prepared for this, I should have better stuff written in advance.

-JBKC: 6. (CTU Agent Curtis Manning, an honorable man, a fine agent, and one of the best damn co-agents Jack Bauer ever had. Right up there with Tony.)

-Jack Bauer just threw up, this is hard on all of us. Bill Buchannon better tell Jack Bauer to LOCK IT UP.

-I’m relatively speechless, and I just wish that Curtis could have gotten his own show, first.

-It seems like the suitcase bomb is still in the house.

-Holy shit. A nuclear bomb was just detonated on US territory. Something tells me that Ray didn’t make it out, but that Jack Bauer is back on the job.

-It’s great that Nadia can translate this stuff. So 4 more bombs to go, eh?

OK, I watched 4 episodes in 7 hours. I don’t want to have to do that again. I’m glad that the writers are still writing crazy government stuff into the storylines. I’ve read they tilt right, but all of the different references they make to the current administration seem like satire, like they’re trying to show just how ridiculous the Bush administration is. I don’t get it.

What do we know:

-4 more suitcase nukes are somewhere in the city. Is Valencia far enough out that we won’t have to watch them run around in fall out for 20 more hours?

-Heroes is definitely going to get watched at a different time than Monday at 9.

-There are several candidates for characters that are seemingly good guys, but act suspiciously so we think they’re bad, only to find out that someone else is the bad guys. These candidates so far are Tom Lennox, and well, everyone else except Jack Bauer.

-There are also several candidates for people who don’t do anything suspicious until 15 seconds before we find out they are bad. These candidates so far are Tom Lennox, and well, everyone else except Jack Bauer.

-I’ve heard that Matha Logan and Chase will be back on this year. Audrey had planned to be tied up all year in “The Nine”, but, well, we expect her to be available this year, too. I’m hoping against hope that Kim Bauer is in another country and unable to make it back by the end of the day.

-We’ve seen year in and year out that the initial bad guy and dangerous threat are not the threat that ends up getting thwarted in the end. Are 4 nuclear bombs set to explode today a big enough threat or are there more menacing dangers afoot? We’ll find out in about 19 weeks.

8:00: Jack Bauer and Assad are LOCKED IN. How do they just bump into each other like that? LOCKED IN. These guys are the Starsky and Hutch of the Global War on Terror generation.

-You see. You see. Fayed can reach the President now. That would never happen if any number of ‘24’ Presidents refused to negotiate with terrorists. I’m pretty sure that last year’s President Logan is responsible for ALL of this. He started the country down a slippery slope Constitutionally and a slippery slope in regards to negotiating with terrorists. The man was a menace. And just like that, America negotiates with terrorists.

-This administration has enemy combatants (Palmdale as Guantanamo) in violation of international law, also.

-Come on, Assad, you’ve got to work with your enemies. The enemies of your enemies are sometimes your friends, but not always. But sometimes.

-“Chloe this is Jack [Bauer].” How on earth does Jack Bauer know Chloe’s direct dial? Who cares?

-JBKC: 4. (Random guy with a jeep). I’d like to say this is a rougher grougher Jack Bauer, but I’m not gonna do it.

-JBKC: 5. (Fayed’s guy, Jack hit his car with a jeep). These last 2 JBKCs are illustrative of why I count knockdowns AND kills.

-That was great. These guys are awesome. Jack Bauer and Assad make a fantastic team. They could win the Amazing Race handily. They’d win or they’d kill everyone.

-Kumar is really a terrible terrorist. I think they picked Kumar because Michael Jackson wasn’t available. Also, they were thinking Jack from Will & Grace, but he wasn’t “ethnic” enough.

-I just have to take this opportunity to say that I watched the first 2 episodes with the ability to pause and rewind and it made this liveblogging thing a LOT easier.

8:21: “I don’t know, it’s your character flaw, not mine.” Oh, Chloe, cut Morris some slack, he’s the man you love.

-There’s no harm in putting these enemy combatants on busses, right? There’s not even any harm in putting these enemy combatants on an airplane and then shooting it down after a little bit, right? I mean, we’re suspending habeas corpus on them presumably, how come we’re all of a sudden a little bit frightened of shooting them out of the air? I don’t buy it. Shooting the airplane down wipes a Constitutional crisis right off the boards. No enemy combatants held against international law? No problem.

-“It’s not our call to make.” That’s not something Jack Bauer would ever say. He makes calls. Remember, “Don’t forget, I don’t work for you.” He said that just last year. Jack Bauer makes the calls. Believe it. And it seems like maybe Curtis wants to make some calls, too! “We’ll see.”

8:32: That orange jumpsuit guy keeps making eyes at the guard. Try to make it a little less obvious.

-Can the President bail someone out? That FBI agent is either going to be someone or he’s not. And anyone who has watched ‘24’ over the last couple years knows exactly what I mean.

-“Revised Enemy Combatant Statute”, we don’t have that, do we?

-That’s Kumar’s dad, isn’t it? I kind of thought something like that was going to happen to Walid. He’s in detention by accident, but he doesn’t keep his head down and that leads to him getting into trouble. Poor Walid, Sandra messed up big!

8:41: “You mean like I’m doing already?” Chloe LOOKS better, but she’s still a Rhino.

-Curtis seems to have an issue with Assad. But Jack Bauer is going to “take care of it as soon as this is over, I promise.”

-Uh oh. That operation didn’t go as smoothly as they had hoped. You gotta not be letting Fayed’s guys get shot and then use grenades. You HAVE to keep them from doing that.

-Is the guy who keeps making eyes at the Palmdale guard a good guy plant or a bad guy?

8:53: We finally found out what Kumar’s package is all about.

-What are you going to do Ray? $50K is a lot of money, but you know you’ve got it saved up for Scott’s college.

-Why doesn’t Kumar tell Ray what he’s looking for, otherwise, how’s he going to get it?

-Man, who would have thought Ray had this in him? This is kind of like Walid getting in trouble after being thrown into a bad situation. You know what the moral is? When put into stressful situations, good people mess up and get into more trouble or kill dudes.

-Oh, a suitcase nuke. I think that guy’s in Palmdale. Yes! I am the man, he is in Palmdale.

-What is this “priority three” junk? Jack Bauer used to call the President and say, “This is Jack Bauer I NEED to talk to the President.” Then he would will the President to the phone.

-Ah, the guy making eyes with the guard was certainly not a good guy plant. And the guard was a bad guy, too. Of course. So this implies that they let the prisoners use the bathroom on the bus. I never would have thought. In the future, the US policy should be to suggest prisoners use the bathroom before leaving because they’re not going to be able to go again until they get there.

7:00: Fayed’s henchman is speaking truth to power.

-“If we don’t leave know, we’ll jeopardize the mission.”

-The first car Jack Bauer breaks into has a cell phone. He’s the perfect spy because he’s also very lucky.

-“Jack Bauer’s calling, line 2.” Heh. That’s awesome. I wish we didn’t know Jack Bauer had escaped so when he called it was a surprise, then they could flash back to him killing that dude. That would have been a better entrance.

-Tom doesn’t not want to kill Assad.

-Oh, Karen Hayes, when will you ever learn to stop underestimating Jack Bauer? Ever? Never?

-God, I hate this Tom schmuck.

-Jack Bauer memorized Assad’s coordinates and is heading to the scene. Because that crummy flip phone that someone left in the car has GPS. Thank you, Sprint.

-Kumar really doesn’t seem like he’s the same age as Scott. They probably could have done this set up a little differently.

-Jack Bauer has been prepping for this strike for 20 months. He’s been salivating just thinking about killing, looking, thinking, thinking, killing, spying, rescuing. Every Chinese torture session found Jack Bauer planning strikes in his head.

-JBKC: 2 (Assad’s guy.)

7:19: That’s it! The government is always talking about how regular citizens don’t need to be concerned with the extra-constitutional intelligence strategies that the government is using (the NSA phone taps, the signing order allowing the President to read your mail, the Pentagon looking at your financial records) because you don’t have anything to hide. This lawyer lady hits the nail on the head. We don’t have anything to hide, we have something to protect. Her boss wants to sacrifice privacy because the country is under attack. No way. Ah! Sandra Palmer, the President’s sister!

-I like that Sandra is a kick ass lawyer, not a “flag burning idealist”, and I like how she knew to look out for Tom Lennox, everyone knows that guy’s a neocon douche bag.

-Woah, the President’s sister is in love with a terrorist. Just kidding. That seems like a political liability, no?

-Tom talks like Yoda. “Likely there will be more attacks, but respond he will, guaranteed.”

-Haven’t the terrorists learned to not drive around in vans without windows.

7:25: Fayed looks like Vin Diesell with a gap tooth.

7:32: Torture scene, 2.

-Assad looks upon Jack Bauer’s torture techniques with admiration and… lust?

-Wow, Jack Bauer is losing his touch, huh? Assad is to Jack Bauer as what is to what? Assad is cold blooded. He just stuck a knife right into that guy’s knee cap.

-“I don’t know how to do this anymore.” “You’ll remember.” We hope so, or else there isn’t a show.

-7:47: My guess is that if the FBI was going to Sandra Palmer’s place of work, they’d send an upper level person. This guy’s got to have connections to Tom Lynch.

-Stan the contractor is a boor, but he just might be preventing some serious shit.

-And now he’s dead.

-Ahmed is just not that convincing as a terrorist.

7:52: Jack Bauer is just going to separate from Assad without anyway of getting in touch with him in the future? How are they going to coordinate future missions? And. Doesn’t Fayed’s guy, the detonator, probably know what Assad looks like?

-LA has a subway system? And. How did they just arrange a car to be parked in downtown LA? They don’t have meters there?

-Awesome. JBKC: 3 (suicide bomber). So far, 2 of Jack Bauer’s kills/knockdowns have been out of the ordinary. How many CTU agents can say they’ve kicked a suicide bomber out the back of a moving train?

-The bomber would almost assuredly not have gotten on the last train, right?

-2 more bombings. But maybe some good news, a man called Jack Bauer.

-The NSA surveillance software can red tag phone calls? That’s some hot software. They can listen, but not locate?

-That guy Tom is a SNAKE, man. I wonder if there’s a way for someone to kill him or at least arrest him.

-“This is going to get much worse.” Wayne, don’t worry about it, baby, Jack Bauer is on the case. There’s only one way for it to get, and that way is better, not worse.

-Oh good, Jack and Assad exchanged numbers. That was smart, now they can catch up…

I wonder if I should take it as a sign that I missed the first 2 episodes of the season last night? In life, it is important to have priorities and last night I had 53 of them that preempted me from watching ‘24’ beginning at 8:00. We could have started watching a bit late, but I’m not sure how that would be appropriate, especially for the first episode of the year. In any case, I’m watching them now, Monday afternoon, and will truly experience a ‘4 hour season premier’. It’s time to strap in.

This year, the blog will be a bit different. Instead of noting the real time, as in, the time it is when I’m watching the show, I’ll be noting Jack Bauer time, as in, the time it is IN the show. This will make it easier for people to follow along if they don’t watch the show between 9 and 10. Also, I’ll only be counting the deaths or various injuries caused by Jack Bauer and not deaths caused by other characters on the show. We’ll have to see how it goes, but I’m considering counting ‘similarities to the Bush administration.’ These popped up almost weekly last year, though something tells me the Wayne Palmer administration will be different. (Someone, at some point, will need to discuss the possibility of a middling administration aide becoming President 2 years after his brother left office, but that’s for another time. All we know is that in 6 years, ‘24’ has featured 2 more black Presidents than has the United States in 230 years.) I’ll continue to keep track of my prediction ratio, though I’m not sure if I’ll be making more outlandish predictions or fewer.

An aside: This weekend I came upon the first 4 episodes of ‘24’ posted online before having aired. I’m all for people being able to watch what they want when they want, but for real, if you’re going to watch early, you don’t need to go ruining it for the rest of us by telling us what happened. I read a comment that mentioned 2 things that happen/happened in the first 4 episodes. I don’t know if they do or not, but needless to say, I won’t be surprised IF they do. I care more deeply about one of the things than the other, and should they happen I’ll point it out. OK, let’s get on with it.

6:00: Here we go:

-Though no one has taken responsibility, signs point to Islamic militants attacking 11 cities in 11 weeks, the latest in San Antonio. 900 people have been killed.

-Oh, come on, Mr. Busdriver, you know by not picking him up, you’re going to create ANOTHER terrorist. That Arabic guy was probably never so happy to miss his bus.

-Concentration camps/ detention facilities? What’s the difference, right?

-Wayne! We knew you were the President, but it’s nice to see you.

-Oh, that guy Tom, the warmongerer neocon is the dork from Ally McBeal.

-Lincoln suspended habeas corpus, why won’t you?

-If you kill Assad, the attacks will stop? Really? How come? Everything we’ve been told about Islamic militants is that they don’t require a leader to function.

-Yeah! Morris is back, I was really hoping for that, but I couldn’t imagine it being a reality. This show is so ridiculous.

-And Gabe from Six Feet Under is Morris’ boss, Milo? Milo is a middle management name?

-The writers decided to make Chloe the Rhino a hottie this year, in case you missed it, they had Morris pretty much make a poster board about it as he rubbed her ass.

-Jack Bauer: “The President negotiated his release 2 days ago.”

-Good to see Chloe has as much consternation as usual.

6:07: Bill Buchannon and Curtis are picking Jack Bauer up from the airport. They couldn’t send a cab?

-Buchannon needs to sign the receipt for the Chinese guy, that figures. The Chinese wouldn’t want the US to claim that he never got here. At least now they have a tracking number, etc.

-Jack Bauer hasn’t spoken a word in 2 years, the first word he speaks will be a whisper.

6:10: $25 Million dollars AND Jack Bauer’s pelt. Abu Fayed wants his pound of flesh for what happened in Beiruit? Isn’t Kim Bauer a lot less valuable, I’m CERTAIN she’s not doing anything.

-Audrey first, Kim second. A man’s got to have priorities. I swear, if they make Jack Bauer sign something, I’ll freak.

-That’s nice, they have a make up mirror and shaving cream. Think they got the Gillette Fusion for him?

OK so we go to commercial and it’s 6:13, we come back and it’s…

6:19: What’d you expect, Bill? He’s been in a Chinese torture prison for 2 years… Guess that breakfast with what’s her name (Karen Hayes?) turned into something special in 2 years. She turned in to one of the good ones, huh?

-Nadia, hi, I’m Chloe, I’m a Rhino, you tell me stuff for which I don’t have clearance, or I’ll get you fired. I play hardball. Got it?

-Chloe knows Karen’s number by heart?

-“If we want these attacks to stop, Jack Bauer has to be sacrificed.” You know, it’s that type of thinking that got us in trouble in the first place. You got to think out of the box, Nadia!

-Does Morris have the clearance for this?

-How did Bill and Curtis know Jack’s clothing size wouldn’t have changed? AND, couldn’t they get him a tie?

-Why is Wayne speaking on a cell phone while sitting at his desk in the oval office? This is truly a mobile generation.

-You’re the President, Wayne, it doesn’t matter if you want to be in charge or not!

-This Ally McBeal, Tom, guy is such a wankering nincompoop. I hate him.

-Tom does what he wants, whether the President wants it or not. That’s not second guessing, it’s guessing after primary guesses have been made, by the President, his boss.

-“Plain English does not allow for the nuances that my job requires.” Wow, what a douche bag. I am definitely going to use this sentence in my career.

-I really wish they had given Jack Bauer a tie. That would have made this whole thing a little better. Or maybe a jacket.

-Jack Bauer is alive because he didn’t want to die for nothing. But he still whispers.

6:30: That woman just stood less than a foot from the TV and picked up the remote to shut the TV off. She couldn’t just press the power button?

-Ahmed’s dad just got arrested. And Kumar is Ahmed. People are excited about this.

-Stan the contractor is harassing Ahmed and Scott’s dad is going to handle it. This seems like an After School Special.

-I can’t believe that Ray is doing the right thing, he seemed like such a simp.

-Oh Ray, Ray, Ray, you know not what you do, you just brought a snake into your house.

-Morris has his own satellites? I KNEW I was excited about him being on the show again. What else can he do?

-Oh yeah, like one punch from a ninny terrorist is going to knock Jack Bauer out. HE JUST SPENT 20 MONTHS IN A CHINESE TORTURE PRISON. Give me a break.

-So Morris has his own satellites, but he’s not good enough to keep the pictures from being intercepted… Right. It just shows to go ya, Jack Bauer is the only TRULY perfect spy. Everyone else is only good enough to get into trouble.

-Is this going to get Chloe or Morris fired? Both?

-What the hell is that stuff connected to Fayed’s cell?
-Woah! Nadia speaks Arabic.

6: 52: Oh ho ho, “If these attacks don’t stop, there are people in this administration who are willing to tear up the Constitution in the name of National Security.” “The things that they’re talking about doing – this country will never recover.” More on this later.

-Oh, what the hell, let’s count torture scenes. 1.

-Assad is getting pushed out of the way because he’s too moderate for the cause. Fayed’s behind the attacks, not Assad!

-What did Fayed just stick into Jack Bauer’s back? A long pointy skewer? Yikes.

-So Jack Bauer stayed alive in China because he didn’t want to die for nothing, then he thought he was dying for something, now Fayed says he’s going to die for nothing again. That’s a hard life.

-Fayed should know that nothing invigorates Jack Bauer like being tortured. This is how Jack Bauer gets up in the morning.

6:58: Confirmation that Kumar is a terrorist. It’s a good thing, Kumar called when he did, I think that Jack Bauer’s trigger finger was about to get crushed.

-JBKC: 1. That was probably the grossest way Jack Bauer has ever killed anyone, wow. He kneed him in the balls and then bit his carotid artery.

-If Fayed is really the bad guy, why would Jack Bauer bother leaving that hideout until he got it bombed or killed Fayed himself? Because then we wouldn’t have a show!