Children of Men had a scene where hope was visualized in a movie better than any other movie. If you’ve seen this, you’ll know which part I mean. Children of Men is the movie I wanted 28 Days to be.

I used Send Tab and ScribeFire to make this post. I’m relatively happy with both of them. (UPDATED TO ADD: Sorry, scratch that, ScribeFire is not ready for primetime and has been summarily uninstalled)

* I’m going to give up trying not to post youtube videos. Here are three. Sneezing pandas, leprechauns, and hardcore turtles. Which is your favorite?

* Veterans issues have kind of taken a back seat with the Admin’s latest scandal. Maybe it’s because the military has muzzled the troops at Walter Reed. You can keep up to date here.

* When I drive Jessie’s Prius, I try to get as many MPG as possible. This guy is much better at it.

* Probably a bad idea, but why not try making your ownlaundry detergent.

* The latest in what’s become a recurring theme of long, interesting looking articles that I didn’t read. Lot’s of people were talking about this a couple weeks back.

* Keith Olbermann could be changing TV. I always forget to watch him, though.

* This means way more to me than it does to you. Three eggs, grits, and toast.

* Excel Keystrokes.

* Cheaters never win. But they do write books.

* You are what you think you are, what others think you are, and what you think others think you are.

* Parts 4 and 5 of an American in a Japanese prison.

* Crossing the border is hard when the border patrol thinks you have porn and doesn’t know how to look for it on your computer.

* These folks are wiping their butts with a bowl of water for a year. What are you doing to save the Earth? Does it matter if they’re doing it to write a book?

* Houses cheaper than cars? What kind of house can I get for a used Jetta?

* Damn, you, Kottke. So addictive.

8:00: I’m on the phone. This is going to be too tough…
-OK, what’d I miss? Nothing. The show still sucks.
-The Russians and the Arabs are not getting along, they need to hug it out.
-Mark’s in trouble with Gredanko and has an Autistic brother named Brady.
-Oh, heh. His Autistic brother is a computer hacker savant.
8:07: Chloe is using the NSA’s wireless warrantless wiretaps.
8:08: Ricky Schroeder needs to stay behind? How come? You know he’s going to do the right thing with that computer chip, right?
-Wait, when has Ricky Schroeder ever had to stay behind when a tac. team what needed? Never. He’s always gone after the action.
8:14: Oh, yeah, I forgot about this plotline. Wake him up! Wake him up!
-So the VP is going to lean on the doctor now… What can he say?
-Yes. This doctor is the first good character on “24” in several years. Maybe ever.
8:21: Is the brother going to freak?
-JBKC 17 (Mark)
-Why’d they shoot him?
-Wait, why’d they shoot him?
-Jack Bauer, the hoarse whisperer, apparently, this works on women, children, and Autistic adults.
-This computer hacker savant is kind of funny when he talks about firewalls.
-Jono says Jack Bauer needs some rubber bullets. I agree.
8:28: What happens if Mark dies because his artery got all shot up? What’s Brady going to do then? What’s Jack Bauer going to do?
8:31: Brady is a terrible actor, unfortunately.
8:32: Johnson is double crossing Doyle?
-Let me see if I can recap this without losing you… Johnson gave Doyle evidence that cleared Nadia. The writers hid the fact that Doyle gave the evidence to Morris to check out. Johnson tells Milo that Doyle has the evidence. Milo flips on Doyle. Morris comes running to tell Buchannon and Milo that Doyle gave him the evidence already. At first it seemed like Morris was just covering for Doyle and hadn’t actually done anything. Then, when it was all over, Johnson grinned like a fool. Are we supposed to think Johnson is bad? Are we also supposed to think that Nadia really is bad and that Johnson used that chip to clear Nadia? Doesn’t that imply that the terrorists would have been able to predict that Johnson would be loaned from Denver? How do they know this stuff? Ugh.
8:38: Buchannon would leave and take legal action? That’s what he just told Nadia. But hasn’t Buchannon been falsely accused in the last couple years? At least once?
-In all that time, did no one but Chloe realize Nadia was using Milo’s log in, etc? This didn’t come up?
-Now I’m laughing out loud. Nadia didn’t want to succumb, but Milo’s just so passionate. She needs to cry. She doesn’t need to kiss. She needs to cry!
-Permanent brain damage if they continue down the path.
-Uh, oh. Wayne is CRASHING!
-Why do they need to get Gredanko out of the car? Can’t they shoot the engine block?
-Oh now they have tranquilizer darts? Over the course of however many seasons, they’ve unfortunately or accidentally shot so many peeps. Now we have tranquilizer darts? Couldn’t they have shot Mark with a tranquilizer.
-Jack Bauer needs to tell Brady not to respond anymore. He shouldn’t ask him questions, that’s just teasing him.
8:53: Jack Bauer wants to look after Brady from now on.
-Jack Bauer is angry that Gredanko made him use Brady like that. I think Jack Bauer is going to take out that anger on Gredanko unless Gredanko cooperates.
-At what point are the writers of this show going to avoid the plot line of the bad guy willing to cooperate in exchange for immunity.
-Yes! President Palmer averted disaster. I wasn’t sure how they were going to do that.
-“I’m resuming my duties as Commander in Chief!” The sheriff’s back in town.
-At what point are the writers of this show going to avoid the plot line of the bad VP using the AG to go around the back of the President and saying the President isn’t capable of serving

Kevin Smith always makes the kind of movies that I want to love, or like, or at the very least not mind watching. Unfortunately, his last couple movies haven’t quite reached this lofty standard. I did laugh out loud during one scene involving a donkey.

I spent about 90 minutes watching this movie and waiting for it to be over because it’s mostly about hardcore from the early 80s that I don’t like too much. Then, I decided to check out the special features and spent another 50 minutes riveted by the extra interviews. The special features raised this movie from 2 stars to 4 stars.

What do you say, Matt? Think you have what it takes to make these? And by “what it takes”, I don’t mean hot dogs, bacon, cheese, and batter. When I was in Austria one time, I had a cheese stuffed sausage wrapped in bacon. It was delicious, but I only had one. Not sure it needed to be fried in batter, either.

This movie becomes a lot less interesting when you look at it with the unspoken understanding that the two guys who wrote and directed the movie together did so to write themselves as characters. The acting of the two main characters (not the writer/directors) was great, though the dialogue was awful. I’d love to see another movie about Quinceaneras that was good, because this one was disappointing.

7:05: I don’t remember Milo having a sling last week. I can’t believe that’s the only thing I’ve had to comment on in the first 5 minutes.
-Chloe doesn’t want to report you, she just wants to warn you, gosh!
7:07: Oh good, General Walsh. He’s Hal Turner’s cousin.
-So we’ve got 4 minutes until the drone gets to LA. But maybe it’s going to Vegas?
-This Russian guy is good. He can hack into C.T.U. and make them lose visual contact with the drone.
-This VP is batshit crazy. He’s going to nuke the Ambiguous Arab Nation as a response to some stateless terrorists. Maybe the leader of the Ambiguous Arab Nation “tried to kill his daddy.”
7:15? OH NO, I MISSED IT. WHAT HAPPENED? I WAS WASHING DISHES.
-Why does Bill Buchannon want to make sure that first responders are deployed in the target areas? Wouldn’t he want to make sure that they are underground in a bunker and not able to get hit by a bomb? So that they can first respond?
7:16: Oh man. She wanted it. She wanted it so bad! Sorry. Jack Bauer doesn’t just kiss peeps like that. He’s got Audrey on the brain.
-Audrey’s dead? Accident? When? China? Well, that’s twisty.
-This music imples Jack Bauer’s about to crack?
-Maybe an intern could pull the files for Jack Bauer? Chloe’s a little busy.
-“Any objection to your plans will not be able to gain traction.” I’m thinking that the Joint Chiefs MIGHT be a bit skeptical about a VP who wants to launch unprovoked nuclear attacks. But then again, what do I know?
-Wait, is this the cabinet or the Joint Chiefs?
-Wouldn’t this “dangerous and reckless” action need to be approved by Congress? Meh.
7:28: That was a strange interaction with Milo and Nadia. And now another one between Milo and Chloe. I still can’t believe his name is Milo.
-Actually, typing that, I realized I went to nursery school with a girl named Milo and a girl named Chloe. Milo has the same birthday as me and Chloe’s dad owned a diner in Boston and collected tons of toys.
-I wonder how that kiss makes Morris feel, the breath checking kiss.
7:31: And here we go. Our first leak of the year! Who won the pool?
-Milo just needs to fess up right now about Nadia working on his machine.
-Jessie and I think Nadia must be getting set up.
-San Francisco in 20 minutes. Which means the drone should get blown up in about 19 minutes.
7:39: Shitty, they had to induce a coma in the President, that should put him out commission for a while.
-“He’s a fighter, we have that much going for us.” Wow. Thanks, they couldn’t write a better line than that? I think I wrote that line in a story I wrote in 5th Grade.
-Karen Hayes is going to bring the President back from the coma endangering his life and risking permanent brain damage in order to keep the VP from nuking the Ambiguous Arab Nation.
-Why is that doctor in such a rush? Isn’t he the President’s physician? Who else does he have to take care of?
7:41:Torture scene 11: (Nadia).
-Seems like Doyle Schroeder was at Abu Ghraib or Gitmo.
7:43: Jack Bauer has been pretty much out of this episode. We’ll see what happens.
-I bet he looks at the file and determines that she’s still alive because of ring or a tattoo or something.
7:50: We’re nearing the 20 minute mark on the drone.
-It’s probable that Nadia isn’t the bad girl. Who do we think it is? Doyle? Milo? Morris? Chloe? Buchannon?
7:52: Maybe what happens is that Doyle shoots everyone before they can get interrogated.
-JBKC 14 and 15 and 16. (Drone pilots)
-Or Jack Bauer shoots everyone before they can get interrogated.
-How many hours do you think Jack Bauer has flying a flight simulator.
-The music reminds me of Peter and the Wolf.
-“OK, it’s turning.” WTF does that mean? It wasn’t turning before?
-And yet Jack Bauer stalls it out anyway. Good going.
-I don’t think the bomb detonates a nuclear explosion unless it…detonates. Just crashing the drone doesn’t detonate the nuke.
-See what I mean?
-I mean it’s on fire now, and not detonating.
-How did Fire and Rescue get there so quickly? Why do I bother even asking? Anyone can get anywhere in 30 seconds, unless they can’t, and then it takes 5 minutes or 30 minutes.
-The VP is going to be pissed he can’t send a nuke into the Ambiguous Arab Nation.
-Oh wait, no he won’t, this VP is nuts.
-The first responders were exposed to fatal does of radioactive material? Why even bother?
-The VP has his Anne Coulter hang up the phone for him.
-The VP adjusts reality to fit into his warped worldview. And this gets right wingers excited and he’s heroic to them? Really? They don’t think he’s psycho?

If you’ve got only a small kernel about what you want your next movie to be about, you should get a collection of unknown actors and actresses and allow them to improvise storyline and dialogue in between scenes of them having sex with each other. This will get people to discuss the fact that there aren’t many feature length films that aren’t porno where the sex on the screen is really people having sex with each other as opposed to people pretending to have sex with each other. It’s possible that the resulting noise will cause people to overlook that your movie isn’t very good, and is, in fact, not much more than a feature length film about and featuring people having sex with each other.

If you can find a way to get through the unwatchable first 45 minutes of this movie, you’ll be rewarded with another hour and 45 minutes of merely borderline unwatchable romantic comedy. That’s right, bad AND long, a combination not often utilized by film makers in search of success. The only one coming out of this movie unscathed was Jude Law who represented himself well enough while Jack Black lacked direction