Wanna hear a neat trick? OK, it goes like this:

1. Find the Social Security number of someone who uses TD Ameritrade Institutional
2. Call TD Ameritrade, and press 3 for the “online” department.
3. Tell the nice man, “Hi! I forgot my username and password.”
4. He’ll ask you, “What’s your Social Security number?” Tell him.
5. He’ll tell you the username, and reset the password to the last 4 digits of the SSN.
6. Profit!

Seriously, the dude didn’t even ask for my name. I feel very safe, though, since it’d be pretty hard for someone to get my Social Security number. It’s not like I’ve had my identity stolen, or anything.