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{ Category Archives } The Burning Anger of One Thousand Suns

Dream-Bomb

A full-scale evacuation from a North Sea oil rig was sparked after a female employee apparently told colleagues of a dream she had about a bomb being on the platform.

Wait, that’s just too stupid. That can’t be true. Can it?

Police began an investigation after the evacuation of 161 of the more than 500 people on the Safe Scandinavia, a floating accommodation block that forms part of an oil installation 130 miles north of Aberdeen. Police were waiting to question the woman, 23, last night after she was detained by the rig’s manager and flown to the mainland.

…

Bomb disposal experts were placed on stand-by and up to a dozen RAF, coastguard and civilian helicopters scrambled to the rig after the decision to evacuate all personnel was taken by the operators at 9.20am. Police emphasised that the incident was “not considered terrorism-related”. By the time the alert was later declared a hoax, workers had been airlifted from the platform to two nearby rigs.

Dear God. That’s such a ludicrous over-reaction, I can’t quite believe it didn’t happen in this country. Wait, what’s that?

Kathy McGill, Britannia Operator’s managing director, said: “We are very relieved that this has turned out to be a false alarm, but we obviously had to treat it seriously.”

Really, Ms. McGill? You had to? Obviously? Obviously? Last night I dreamed I had a flying horse. Should I, obviously, go build a stable with a skylight and buy several bags of oats or whatever-the-fuck?

2008 02 14 matt Comments (1)

Dane Cook Is The Worst, Part II

Dane Cook is still the worst. Which is why I couldn’t resist this.

2007 10 16 ac Comments (0)

Dane Cook Is The Worst

Is there anyone that likes Dane Cook? Could MLB have come up with someone lamer for their Post Season ads? Apparently, they’ve been playing them since the All Star Game and I, mercifully, didn’t notice it until the ALDS. I started this post after seeing one of his commercials for the first time during the first inning and then they just showed another one halfway though the third. God, I hate him so much.

2007 10 12 ac Comments (8)

Complaints

Dear Take Out Breakfast Places,
When a toasted sesame bagel is ordered with cream cheese, please put the cream cheese on the bagel instead of in a container in the bag.
Thanks.

Sincerely,
Your Customer

2007 09 03 ac Comments (0)

Drowning in Plastic

Here is an insanely depressing article (pulled out of this somewhat less depressing article (you have to watch an ad)).
It’s great in the MAYBEISHOULDKILLMYSELFNOW kind of way in that it only details the problem and makes no effort to offer any solutions. Basically, all the plastic that has ever been created is still around in some form, mostly in the ocean. No one knows exactly what all this plastic is doing to our environment or our bodies, though some scientists think our genes our going to mutate until we can’t procreate anymore. Which will be good, because then we won’t make any more plastic.

It’s not often that I get worked up about anything because I don’t like to sound shrill. But I hadn’t really considered the impact of plastic bags because I thought they were being recycled. We’re trying not to use plastic bags anymore and hopefully you’ll avoid it as well.

2007 08 21 ac Comments (2)