Unlikely Words » 1 star

The Punisher (2004) & The Punisher War Zone (2008)

aaron cohen — Sat, 07 Nov 2009 16:59:27 +0000

Both of these moves were awful, and I'm offended Marvel hasn't put any effort into their best character. Also, I don't think having these movies made means they can't; there could always be a Hulk-style do over. War Zone was better, and I have no idea what John Travolta or Dominic West were doing near either of these projects.

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Evan Almighty (2007)

aaron cohen — Sun, 01 Nov 2009 16:06:33 +0000

Steve Carell shouldn't make movies like this because they're bad and they tarnish his image. I think I remember laughing, but not very much and not very hard. It couldn't have been much worse. ###Possibly related posts:Dan in Real Life (2007) Before the Devil Knows You’re Dead (2007) Hairspray (2007) ### Possibly related posts:

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (2008)

aaron cohen — Sun, 01 Mar 2009 01:56:54 +0000

This probably could have been worse if everyone had really tried harder. I didn't see most of it as I was too busy shaking my head in disgusted anger. However, the face melting scene in Raiders of the Lost Ark remains the most terrifying movie scene of my childhood and no embarrassing threequel can change that.

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The Happening (2008)

aaron cohen — Fri, 07 Nov 2008 14:57:09 +0000

I don't know what's happened to M. Night Shyamalan, but The Happening was an awful, awful, awful, awful, awful (5 awfuls!!!) movie. Bad acting, bad writing, just bad. I'd give this movie 0 stars if it wouldn't look like I had forgotten to rate it. ###Possibly related posts:Burn After Reading (2008) Iron Man (2008) War, [...] ### Possibly related posts:

21 (2008)

aaron cohen — Sat, 06 Sep 2008 03:28:12 +0000

What a waste. 21 was super campy in horrible ways. I loved the book and wanted this movie to be great, and it could have been, it just wasn't. ###Possibly related posts:The Happening (2008) The Dark Knight (2008) In Bruges (2008) ### Possibly related posts:

Reservation Road (2007)

aaron cohen — Sun, 20 Jul 2008 14:54:13 +0000

Reservation Road causes me to introduce a new tag, "When good actors go bad", to describe the result of good actors in a shit ass movie. Don't see this, ever, for any reason. ###Possibly related posts:We Own the Night (2007) Shoot Em Up (2007) Enchanted – 2007 ### Possibly related posts:

EuroTrip (2004)

aaron cohen — Fri, 23 May 2008 15:23:02 +0000

Folks, I watch shitty movies like Eurotrip so you don't have to. And, in fact, in a tribute to it's eminant forgetability, I realized half-way through that I had watched most of it already. (I'm too embarrassed to say that when I say "most of it", I mean all of it. :( .) ###Possibly related [...] ### Possibly related posts:

Snakes on a Plane (2006)

aaron cohen — Sat, 01 Sep 2007 02:40:41 +0000

Apparently Snakes on a Plane came about at a Hollywood Happy Hour when people were trying to come up with the worst movie pitch ever. It's clear why this movie won. Bumped from 1 star to 2 stars in admiration of the way the filmmakers unabashedly and repeatedly allowed snakes to kill people by having the snakes clamp down on a human appendage.

(Bonus: This video played during the closing credits and I bet you can't watching it without wondering if it's a satire.)

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The Last Kiss (2006)

aaron cohen — Sat, 11 Aug 2007 02:19:05 +0000

I spent more time thinking about what was wrong with The Last Kiss than any 1 star movie deserves. Everything that I like about Zach Braff on Scrubs made him borderline unwatchable for the first 25 minutes of this movie and we almost shut it off before the middle section was buoyed by good dialogue. However, the movie was not to be redeemed as the ending sucked as bad as the beginning.

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Week In Review

matt — Fri, 23 Feb 2007 15:28:46 +0000

Dude, what happened to this feature?

I got busy, okay? I kept meaning to do it, and-- and-- shut up.

Julie Sokolow–"Seasons", from IndieFeed. "Spare?" Sure, but there's "spare" and then there's "boring." This is boring. [1 star]

The Moore Brothers–"The Puppet", from IndieFeed. Quirky, I suppose. It's definitely quirky. It's just not particularly, like, good. It's not bad, either. It's just not recommendable. [2 stars]

Warm In The Wake–"Tame Thoughts", from IndieFeed. Finally, my head is moving back and forth while listening to one of these. It's well-written, it's catchy. "Acoustic, cosmic folk?" Sure. [3 stars]

I'm easing back into this; can you tell?

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Week In Review

matt — Tue, 09 Jan 2007 02:07:36 +0000

New year, new co-blogger, new feature!

Introducing the Music Week in Review (ta-daaaah!) in which I lay bare the contents of my iTunes "Added This Week" smart playlist, and tell you what I thought of each song. Because you were dying to know.

My rating system in iTunes is based on how likely I am to skip the song when it comes up. 5 stars means almost never, 1 star means almost always. (1-star songs tend to get deleted.)

Without further ado, my additions between January 1 and January 7, 2007.

Chloe Day, "With You With Me" from IndieFeed.com. Cute! Pretty guitar work, vocal layering, and self-aware lyrics. Apparently, though, her usual genre is "Trip Hop / Gothic / Industrial" (according to her MySpace page, which isn't my thing. Also, too much makeup. 3 stars.

Doveman, "Teacup" and "Honey": I downloaded these songs after rediscovering Salon's Audiofile column. Doveman is the band of the outgoing editor of the column, Thomas Bartlett. I... don't love it. "Honey" has a kind of breathy Sufjan Stevens or Stuart Murdoch thing going, only not as good. They're sung in such a gaspy tone that it's hard to imagine how they'd perform live. Together, though, "Teacup" and "Honey" sound nice and soothing, as I have a bit of a sore throat. 2 stars.

Apostle of Hustle, "My Sword Hand's Anger": Very promising title! Swashbuckling! Or possibly maiden-rescuing! Verdict: meh. I need a strong hook to get me into a song and this one doesn't really have it for me. The chorus is peppy, but the verses make me sleepy. 3 stars.

Kelly Harrell, "I Wish I Was a Single Girl Again": A curiosity, to be sure. Worth a first listen; probably not much more than that. And yet, despite myself, I'm kind of bopping my head along. Fine: 2 stars.

James Yorkston, "Summer Song": Weird. I like the pretty guitars. The harmonies have a kind of desperate quality that's not particularly musical, but which is pleasant nevertheless. When the the other instruments kick in around 2:40, it's beautiful. The whole song is a bit Iron and Wine-y, maybe? 3 stars.

Plush, "No Education": Audiofile says, "one of the great musical achievements of recent memory, an album that inspires hyperbole along the lines of 'one of rock's great lost albums.'" I say, seriously? Liam Hayes sounds a bit like a fey Alex Chilton, or possibly Jeff Buckley with a cold. The orchestration is quite something, but I can't quite get totally on board. Maybe further listenings will open my ears. 3 stars.

Plush, "I Sing Silence": A rough mix from the upcoming Plush album. See above. So much potential. I love the music, but I'm distracted by the vocals. 3 stars.

Oren Bloedow, "Your Childish Dreams": Pretty. Boring. 3 stars.

Hallelujah The Hills, "Hallelujah The Hills": More than anything, this reminds me of "We Didn't Start The Fire," which is probably not a good thing. 2 stars.

Masonic, "End Of Summer": I don't know why I like this song so much. I think I'm an absolute sucker for quarter note organ hits. Her voice isn't quite right, but I'm digging on this one. 4 stars.

The Main Drag, "A Jagged Gorgeous Winter": Hey! Neat electronic beat. Maybe it's a little long? My mind wandered. 3 stars.

This has been Matt's Musical Week In Review. I left out the other things in my "Added This Week" playlist, which include the This American Life podcast, and 3 episodes of Scrubs that I bought. What? I like Scrubs. There's no shame in that.

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