I don't often feel sad or feel sadness, but I do sometimes in times of collective sadness. I'm not sure why. Last night I was on an airplane when it was announced that Steve Jobs had died. When I saw 4 random posts about Jobs on Tumblr, I knew right away. Growing up, the first computer I remember using was a IIgs, but we had at least one model before that. We also had a Performa after that. My first computer at college was a black and white Mac laptop with a 500 MB HD. Etc etc.

I sometimes collect as much about a story in one place as I can, almost as a personal reference for the future. (The Comprehensive Election Reactions Round Up from Obama's election is a good example). I haven't done it recently, but figured now would be a good time. Here's most of what I looked at yesterday, loosely sorted. You've probably seen some of this stuff, but probably haven't seen all of it. The sources are Twitter, Stellar, and Tumblr, along with just clicking around.

RIP, Steve Jobs. Peace and strength to your family and loved ones.

Daring Fireball | Wired.com | NYTimes | BusinessWeek | Chicago Sun-Times | The A.V. Club | Wired.com memorial of quotations | Brian Lam | Walt Mossberg | Tim Carmody | Frank Chimero | Neven Mrgan | Mike Monteiro | John Siracusa | Marco Arment | Dan Dickinson | Michael Sippey | Anil Dash | Rick Webb | Pat Keirnan | Alexis Madrigal | Bill Gates | Tim Berners-Lee | Jim Dalrymple | Horace Deidu | Mike Davidson | New York’s Tech Community | Steven Frank | David Carr | Ken Auletta | Byrne Reese (Pixar intern) | Andy Ihnatko | Mindy Kaling

The 2005 Stanford Commencement Address, and the text.


“Doug, do you have 10 more ideas. Steve”

Different images/art/etc I saw you might want to see. This or this or this or this or this or this or this or this or this or this or this or Stay Hungry, Stay Foolish or this or this or this.

The Think Different ad text, narrated by Richard Dreyfus and Steve Jobs.

Other round ups and slide shows: Kottke | BuzzFeed | The Daily What | TPM Media | Longreads | Apple’s Ads | CNET News | Steve Jobs’s Patents

Apple User Acting Like His Dad Just Died | The Onion and Last American Who Knew What The Fuck He Was Doing Dies | The Onion

Steve Jobs and Bill Gates Together: Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10 | Part 11

Time stops the presses for the first time in 30 years and the NYTimes.com first mention of Steve Jobs in 1977.

Some contrarianism: here and here and here.

Some random articles What Steve Jobs Understood That Our Politicians Don't | Arabs embrace Steve Jobs and the Syrian connection | Pixar's Secret: Rewrite, Re-edit, Recut | Steve Jobs and Pixar changed animated movies forever | Steve Jobs and the idea of letting go

Tom Junod in Esquire: Steve Jobs Dying | Steve Jobs Obituary and a profile from 2008

Some videos: Wozniak Tearfully Remembers His Friend Steve | 1983 Apple Keynote-The "1984" Ad Introduction | The iMac Introduction | The iPod Introduction | Steve Jobs interviewed just before returning to Apple | Steve Jobs Presents to the Cupertino City Council

My other posts.

Here for your reading pleasure and nitpicky criticism is Everything Tracy Jordan Said in Season 5 of 30 Rock. As always, this is actually EVERYTHING he said, and is not intended to be a best of. This was a pretty analog exercise 2 years ago when I did it the first time, and it feels more so now. Theoretically, this should be a 20 minute supercut of all his lines for the season. There is, however, something interesting about seeing all of the lines in one place. You can also check out: Other seasons of Tracy Jordan, Everything Hurley Said, Everything Sawyer Said, Everything Locke Said, and Everything Don Draper Said.

Episode 1
-Yo. I'm calling to say that I'm giving you 110% this year. I'm relaxed. I'm focused. And I'm gonna be churning out the good stuff like you've never seen.
-Oh. I misdialed. I thought I was calling my nutritionist. Goodbye.
-Hey, KKKK. First day back is gonna be a busy one. First, I need you to go to the drycleaners for me and find out how Martinizing works. I've always been curious. Then, I need you to be back by noon to make the bathroom smell like sandalwood before I wreck it. You got that K-Pack of Gum.
-Of course. I knew that.
-Kenneth, I knew you'd come back. Let me smell your head.
-I'm sorry, but my heart is playing tricks on my eyes, just like my kidneys did to my lungs that time.
-I keep hallucinating Kenneth. Am I going crazy again? Should I get my rainbow wig out of storage?
-Like the World Cup. I'll try. No. This place is too full of memories. I've got to clear my head!
-No! You do not exist. I am in control of this.
-You're not real. If I threw you in front of a car, it would drive right through you.
-Of course it would. It would know everything I knew because it sprung from my imagination.
-Oh, no. I missed it! Do it again.
-I love you, Kenwood. Why don't you come back home to TGS. Pick the peas out of my fried rice. And the rice. I just want carrots.
-Don't you miss rubbing my foot back into the shape of a foot?
-I guess this is goodbye. Obviously, I'm gonna need the tote bag.
-Sure is, wanna go kiss in the prop cage?

Subscribe by RSS, or on Twitter, or by email or on Facebook or on Tumblr

Episode 2
-I'm werewolfing myself.
-You know when a dude knows he's gonna turn into a werewolf and locks himself in a jail? Well, I'm embarrassed to say I've missed the birth of both of my sons…for very legitimate reasons.
-So I promised Angie I will not miss the birth of our daughter.
-And my mood ring! And I don't know how I feel about that.
-And good for you, Liz Lemon. There's something about you lately. Make me want to put my feet in your mouth.
-I can't leave my dressing room until Angie goes in to labor, but the president is saying we have to go outside.
-If I was a real werewolf, I'd wear baggy clothes so my nice clothes wouldn't get all torn up. Same rules for if I were the Hulk. I don't get why people like brunch. What's the benefit of combining breakdancing and lunch?
-You're not Griz! Ahh!
-I just gotta get to the hospital on Right There. Taxi! Sir, I don't have any money, but I need to get to Mount Sinai Hospital.
-Wow, it's like I always say, 'White cab drivers are weird.'.
-Explain the rules.
-So to be there for the birth of my daughter I have to answer trivia questions despite having gone to middle school in an Exxon station?
-Bring it.
-Come on, I don't know that.
-OK, I remember going to the Statue of Liberty Centennial cuz that year someone had spread a rumor that she was going to slip out of her toga and I wanted to see some green boobies. And that year the Mets had just won the World Series cuz that night I was randomly attacked by a Mets fan that I had thrown a pile doo at. That was 1986. And centennial is a hundred years because centipeding means having sex with a hundred women. I got it. 1886.
-She is an orca, Benjamin. FYI, they're very difficult to keep in a home aquarium.
-I'm coming, Angie!
-The Lazy Susan was invented by Thomas Jefferson. I know because I'm a descendent of Thomas Jefferson and Lazy Susan herself. The capital of the United Arab Emirates is Abu Dhabi. I know that because if I go back there, I'll be executed. There are twelve tons in the chromatic scale. [Singing] I know that because I'm a musical genius.
-Tracy Jordan. Hero. Husband. Diabetic slash alcoholic. Yes!
-Am I pulling it right?
-OK.
-It's still not opening.
-I'm trying to pull, you keep saying push.
-What you want me to do? You're yelling at me.
-I'm freaking out!
-Because I love you, baby, and I'll always be by your side no matter what Discovery Channel game show stands in my way. I wouldn't have missed whatever just happened here for anything. I don't know what I'd do without you. And I mean it.
-Why is that baby covered with goop?
-You ready for this, Jacky D?
-Explain.
-Jacky D, you want to make God laugh? Make a plan, or read him a Dave Barry book. You worried about being old, Jack? You could live forever, but you still can't predict what happens in life. Wait a minute, there's no baby in here.
-Oh, she's in the crib. Good.
-I hate to say I told you so, so, 'Welcome to Miami'.
Read the rest of this entry »

Subscribe by RSS, or on Twitter, or by email or on Facebook or on Tumblr

Last year, I put together a transcript of Everything Tracy Jordan Said in Season 3 of 30 Rock. You guys liked it and I subsequently put together Everything Hurley Said, Everything Sawyer Said, Everything Locke Said, Everything Don Draper Said, and a the first two seasons of Everything Tracy Jordan Said. Here is Season 4. This season, Tracy Jordan had a few great lines, specifically in Episodes 18 and 21. As always, these are ALL of Tracy Jordan's lines from Season 4. If you're looking for a best of list or this isn't your thing, there's plenty of other internet out there for you. It's going to take a second to get through, so be careful if you have stuff to do today.

Episode 1
-I can't eat this, I'm a foodie.
-Well, before I made it in the stand up, I was a bucket drummer in the subway.
-Oh, yeah? Then how come I got sued for sexual harassment at it?
-You know how on St. Bart's people be eating their lobster like this? Nyoooom, nyoooom, nyoooom, nyoooom.
-Don't look at me in the eyes.
-Have I lost touch with my roots? I better talk to Rabbi Schmuli about this.
-I blame you and Dotcom. You have built a protective shell around me like a hermit crab or a mermaid booby. And now I've touch with the common man. Ehhhh. Who's that?
-Oh, hey, guy. Come on in. So Rolly, where you from?
-Right on, my brother. My dear friend Moby opened up a tea house in Park Slope. Does he know you?
-Hey, Rolly, you ever lose your remote control?
-And then your wife start getting all mad because the roof won't close and the bed that's in the shape of your face is getting rained on? Hahaha. I like you, Rolly. Can I feel the rough skin on your hands?
-What do you mean that was weird? You sheltered me too much! I'm going out on the street and I don't want nobody to follow me. Nobody. Uhmm. Which one is the elevator I'm not afraid of? RIGHT.
-Kenneth, how do I get out of this building?!
-Hello?
-Hello, is anyone there? I'm in a sort of tunnel and I see a man with a blue uniform. I think he's a friend. Oh, never mind, there's a door. Oh, it's sunny!
-Hello, fellow human being. Would you like to ask me what time it is?
-Are you a large child or a small adult?
-You look regular, could I get your name? Is it Pedro? Is it Creckford? Is it Swimming?
-Are you a pre-op transcentaur?
-Excuse me, do you have change for a $10,000 bill?
-I would like some chicken nuggets, a beer, and some of my wife's rice, to stay.
-Excuse me, sir, do you want to hold hands with a black millionaire?
-Does anyone want to be my friend?
-I'm normal!
-It's going super great, Dotcom. Meet my new friends, Nobody. And his wife Susan Walters Hyphen Nobody. I'm so far from my roots, I don't think I'll ever get back.
-What's that sound? Bucket drummers!
-These. These are my people. Bucket drummers, if you're striking, so am I. Two-four-six-eight-ten-twelve-fourteen-sixteen-eighteen.
-New what? If it's a blonde woman, I'm a kill myself!
Read the rest of this entry »

Subscribe by RSS, or follow on Twitter, or subscribe by email or on Facebook

Here's Everything Sawyer Said from Season 5 of Lost. When I started watching this season again, I was surprised by how big of a role Sawyer had this year. In fact he had about 1/3 more lines than Locke, who seemed to be at least as big a character. Surprisingly, there were 3 episodes in which Sawyer didn't appear. He had about 6K words, which point of reference, Don Draper usually comes in around 9K-10K.

If you like this, you might like Everything Hurley Said, Everything Locke Said, Everything Don Draper Said or Everything Tracy Jordan Said. As always, these are submitted without context, so it might not be your thing. It's a big internet out there, though, you'll find something.

Lost fans, you should subscribe to 815 Sentences About Lost, a project of mine which is launching next week.

Episode 1
"Hell was that?"
"Where's the freighter?"
"Uh uh, no way. A minute ago there was just coffin black smoke. Now there's just nothing?"
"It was heading for that boat."
"Just calm down, there's no need to panic, alright, we'll just go back to camp, figure this…"
"What the hell are you talking about?"
"What do you mean the camps not gone? Who the hell are you anyway?"
"You mean the hatch? The one we blew up?"
"Before what happens again. And why is our camp gone?"
"I told you. We were running out of gas. I wanted to make sure she…I wanted to make sure they got back to the boat. It don't matter now, does it?"
"First things first. Give me your shirt."
"Yeah."
"How we call a time out so you can tell us what the hell's going on?"
"Trust you? I don't know you."
"Shut it, Ginger, or you're getting one, too. Now talk."
"What?"
"Not everyone. Locke."
"Great."
"So when are we now, Wiz Kid?"
"It was. Blown up, just like we left it."
"You saying our camp is back on the beach again?"
"Good, I'm going back."
"More pointless than staring at a hole in the ground?"
"Yeah, well, what if it ain't? Hell, what if the helicopter hasn't even taken off yet?"
"Who says?"
"Why not?"
"How do you know so much about this, Danny Boy?"
"So how can we stop it?"
"Then who can?"
"Son of a… bitch."
"Backdoor. I'm getting some supplies."
"The sky can flash all it wants, but I ain't starting over, Dilbert. I ain't rubbing 2 sticks together to start a fire and I ain't hunting damn boar. There's Dharma food, beer, and clothing in there. And I'm getting Desmond to let me in one way or another."
"Yeah, why not?"
"This would all be fascinating if I was listening to you."
"I don't care whose in there."
"Open the damn door."
"Sure it will."
"You'll open up. It's the ghost of Christmas future."
"Open the damn door. Open the door."
"Open up, I know you can hear me."
"Argh…Door."
"Everybody that I care about just blue up on your damn boat. I know what I can't change."
Read the rest of this entry »

Subscribe by RSS, or follow on Twitter, or subscribe by email or on Facebook

Here's Everything Hurley Said from Season 5 of Lost. Originally, Hurley's character seemed to be only for comic relief, but by Season 5, he's definitely become a solid member of the cast, and a big part of the story. There were 3 episodes he wasn't in at all, and I left those in so you could follow along if you wanted. If you like this, you might like Everything Sawyer Said, Everything Locke Said, Everything Don Draper Said or Everything Tracy Jordan Said. As always, these are submitted without context, so it might not be your thing, but if you want to get a good idea of Hurley's character, I'd start here.

Lost fans, you should subscribe to 815 Sentences About Lost, a project of mine which is launching next week.

Episode 1
"Here she comes, right now."
"Awesome. You want a fry?"
"You know maybe if you ate more comfort food, you wouldn't have to go around shooting people."
"So that you popped outside Santa Rosa, who was he?"
"You think he was going to kill me?"
"You mean Locke?"
"I need a cool code name."
"So when did you become so paranoid?"
"Oh, yeah? Paranoid like what? What kind of things?"
"Wait, he's on our side now?"
"Sayid! Woah. You OK? Dude, dude. Oh, man. I thought this was supposed to be a safe house. We never should have left that island."

Read the rest of this entry »

Last year, I enjoyed putting together a post documenting my favorite posts of the year and thought I'd do so again. For you newer readers, this can function as an Unlikely Words primer. This year's post took a lot longer as I had to go through about 550 posts compared to around 150 last year. What were your favorite posts of the year on Unlikely Words. Let me know in the comments.

2009 was a big year for Unlikely Words. I set a goal at the beginning of the year of increasing daily traffic 5.5 times from where it was during 2008. The year was rounding out well and we were on track to miss the goal by about *this much*. However, thanks to the amazing viral success of the Jersey Shore Nickname Generator daily traffic is set to increase 20 times from where it was in 2008. From a visual perspective, we finally pulled the trigger on a long talked about site redesign. Emdash did a little customization of Derek Punsalan's Grid Focus theme and incorporated 3 logos designed by Unlikely Words favorite, Chris Piascik.

In 2009, I continued tracking plastic bag bans around the world and reviewing, in 3 sentences or less, all of the media (movies and books) I consumed. There's a backlog of about 40 reviews that need to be written and/or posted, and I'm trying to think of a creative way to get these out. There were several posts about Michael Lewis and the movie version of 'Money Ball', and I remain saddened by the lack of a 'Liar's Poker' movie. I post about Michael Lewis so much because people are interested in what he has to say, but he doesn't keep a blog to make it easy to find what he's saying. This applies to Chuck Klosterman, as well.

Sharks made their customary frequent appearances (including this post about a hero shark fighting dog). This spring, I even got an opportunity to interview George Burgess, one of the foremost shark experts in the world. I also had the pleasure of interviewing 2 of my favorite rockers Blake Schwarzenbach of forgetters and Ben Nichols of Lucero, as well as author Davy Rothbart and ‘V’ Creator Kenny Johnson. These conversations were a lot of fun and I hope to interview more folks in 2010 who are equally out of my league. (Though, according to this LinkedIn rejection, everyone is out of my league.)

I, of course, talked a lot about Television this year, including many posts about Mad Men and The Wire. Lost is a show that I don't LOVE, but end up posting a lot about, mostly because the stuff the fans create is so awesome. You all really seemed to enjoy Everything Tracy Jordan Said Seasons 1, 2, and 3 as well as Everything Don Draper Said Seasons 1, 2, and 3. I was shocked to find out Jericho Reruns Get More Viewers Than Mad Men, but the concept of cell phones killing the sitcom makes sense when you think about it. "24" received more words than it deserved, but I had fun liveblogging it, and will probably (oh, crap) do it again this year.

Some projects I was relatively proud of: The Tiger Woods Mistress Generator, a study on the idea of an official state sandiwch, and then writing to every senator and representative for the Commonwealth of Massachusetts asking their opinion on making the Fluffernutter the Official Sandwich of the Commonwealth. I did an Appreciation of Rickey Henderson on the occasion of his induction to the Hall of Fame, conducted an Unscientific Survey of Books People Love Annoyingly and Books People Hate, compiled 208 Facebook Status Messages from the 24 hours of Obama's inauguration, created a 10 part Free Barcelona, Spain Travel Guide, and in Marshmallow Peeps On the Internet, I collected practically every single website of note about Marshmallow Peeps. Plus, I answered What a Zombie Looks For in a Woman.

My favorite vandalism of the year, along with my favorite effort by young people, interview by someone else, cat video, urban wildlife sighting, fan made music video, Mad Menspoof, movie posters, Boston music video, character assassination, single serving site about bad art dedicated to Barack Obama, and picture of Smart cars parked sideways.

This is a fake list of Reasons I Gave When Asked, “Why Are You Growing a Mustache Again?” and a real List of Facebook Usernames I Wish I Had Gotten.

Here are a few cultural events that I reviewed: forgetters at Great Scott, Lucero at The Middle East, Ann Coulter vs Bill Maher Debate, Shepard Fairey at the ICA, Al Gore at the Wang Center, Karl Rove vs James Carville, and blogger day at Taza Chocolate.

Did you know that there's No Apostrophe in “Veterans Day”, You CAN Eat Quinoa during Passover, or anything at all about Patriots’ Day? RCN started a DNS redirect, but here's How to Opt Out, The New York Times killed itself and the bacon meme at the same time, and Allessandra Stanley Had a Bad Day. James Brown Saved Boston, McLean Stabbed Mingus, Buddy Rich Yelled At His Band, and Susan Boyle knocked it out of the park. David went to the dentist, The Roots watched 2 Girls, 1 Cup, ESPN featured the Konami (Contra) Code, Matt Lauer hit a deer, ON HIS BIKE, and the internet cheered the cultural impact of 1984 (the year, not the book).

Michale Jackson had mad pull at one point, but then, a proposed auction of his stuff turned into an allegory of the economy. (Another allegory of the economy? The Snot Boogie Rules.) Media is changing, "Twitter is a media/marketing vehicle disguised as a social network”, I missed how big of a deal Snuggies would be this year (only four million sold as of the end of January).

In June, my little cat dude, Charlie, died and it about crushed me. If you've read this far, you may as well check out that post if you want to read about him. Except for that, 2009 was a great year on Unlikely Words. I hope we have as much fun next year.

This video of the top 100 lines from The Wire is a fun trip down memory lane. I think I'm going to have to go watch all 5 seasons again.

This is documentation I can get behind, but for such a subjective subject, let's agree to drop the 'Top 100' noise, ok?



Thanks, Jake - Via Warming Glow

Here's Season 3 of Everything Don Draper Said (and Season 1 and Season 2 (PLUS Everything Tracy Jordan Said Seasons 1, 2, and 3)). There were a few episodes this season where Don's story wasn't necessarily the focal point, or he didn't have too many knockout scenes, and yet, as you scroll through, you'll still find some magic. He had about 500 more words than last season, but much less than the 10K words in Season 1. As always, what follows is a transcription of everything Don Draper said this season on Mad Men. There's no context, but if you're a fan of the show, you'll lose your morning looking at this. Enjoy!

Episode 1
"Come on, drink this."
"You're so sure it's a girl?"
"I could have done that."
"At least you don't look tired."
"Close your eyes."
"You're on a warm sandy beach."
"You're on a warm sandy beach. You can smell the faint scent of coconut oil. And as you slide your hands though that cold patch of sand underneath the shadow of your deck chair."
"Bert's on it's way. Where's Roger?"
"Well, it's a sales call, isn't there more I can do here?"
"Really? I have one."
"Come on in, Bert."
"This isn't easy."
"Is that the last of it? Because I don't like how much I'm getting used to these."
"Can you believe this? What is the world coming to?"
"That's not a bottle, it's his date."
"'I'm sorry honey, but I'm taken. I just pawned my typewriter so we can be together all weekend.'"
"Excuse me?"
"Uh, Bill. Call me Bill. And, uh, this is my associate, Mr. Fleischman."
"Well, we have to check in and we have an early meeting."
"The Belvedere."
"Hoffstadt. My brother in law. He borrowed a suitcase to go to Puerto Rico, but he never tires of putting his name on other people's things."
"Really?"
"Uh, no, it's OK. I don't usually tell people I'm an accountant."
"Of course you do know there are other kinds of accountants."
"Tell them what we do."
"Well, I'll have to swear you all to secrecy."
"You're right."
"You ever heard of James Hoffa."
"There is a lot of money missing."
"No, we're accountants."
"I don't know, I keep going to a lot of places and keep ending up somewhere I've already been."
"Sam."
"Well, this is me."
"I don't know."
"I've been married a long time. You get plenty of chances. It's my birthday."
"It really is."
"That's not gonna help."
"Stand up."
"Go on."
"Not yet."
"Come on, let's go. Come on, forget your shoes. Let's go. Come on!"
"Come on."
"I'm just here to show you the continuity of our service. With our without Bert Peterson, you are on our mind."
"Morris, you remember Salvatore Romano."
"Sal, this is Howard."
"Well, is it about our work? I mean, we don't want to take credit for everything, but 2 of every 3 raincoats sold last year had London Fog stitched on the inside pocket."
"London Fog is a 40 year old brand that sounds like it's existed forever. You've established with our help that it means one thing. Rain coats. New products aside, there will be fat years and there will be lean years, but it is going to rain."
"What time is it?"
"We should be back in the office by 3."
"I'm gonna ask you something and I want you to be completely honest with me. London Fog. It's a subway car, and there's a commuter looking up. There's a girl with her back to us. She's wearing one of those short tan ones, but it's open. Her legs are bare. We know what he's seeing. Limit your exposure."
"Good."
"Help yourself. So, Cosgrove vs Campbell. Is Cooper playing God or Darwin?"
"Lane read about it in some management book?"
"Come in."
"What?"
"Our stories are straight."
"Find how much it is to repair and it will come out of your allowance."
"Then don't break things."
"Come here."
"I will always come home. You'll always be my girl."
"I don't sleep well when I'm not here."
"Yes."
"Well, it was the middle of the night and it was raining very hard and I had just come home from work."
Read the rest of this entry »

Last year, I spent about a month putting together this 2008 Election Round Up of reactions, articles, thoughts, videos, etc. It's fun looking back at it now and actually using it the way it was intended. It seems like a year was a long time ago and yet not that long ago. I'm not sure how many of the links are broken now, but take a look through it and pass it on.

As mentioned last week, Everything Don Draper Said (Season 1) follows up on Everything Tracy Jordan Said Seasons 1, 2, and 3. This season is only around 7500 words (as opposed to Season 1's 10K words), but you're still gonna lose a morning if you try to read it all at once. Stay tuned, more coming soon from your favorite television characters. In any case, this fall is going to feature some fun Everything They Said projects... Without further adieu.

Episode 1
"Yeah, I eat a lot of apples."
"What's the number?"
"Dead, both."
"My dad was 41, 42, he died in an accident. My mother died in childbirth. She was 22, I think."
"Everything? Depends on the day."
"3."
"5."
"Yes."
"What do you mean?"
"How do you feel?"
"Nope, no, I've been good."
"How is it?"
"Makes you feel better about sitting in a bar at lunch. Makes you feel like you're getting something done."
"Is it good?"
"Any calls?"
"Of course."
"What do we have?"
"I can almost picture it."
"So it's about an airline that's flown by Indians. Maybe a plane with some arrows stuck in the cargo door? That's funny. That's what gets people attention now, right? There has to be advertising for people who don't have a sense of humor."
"What else you got?"
"Stop writing for other writers."
"What's outside that window?"
"I get on a plane, I don't care where I'm going, I just want to see the city disappearing behind me."
"That Indian, that's not about the majestic beauty of the Mohawk nation. It's about adventure. Could be a pirate. Could be a knight in shining armor. Could be a conquistador getting off a boat. It's about a fantastical people who are taking you someplace you've never been. Blah, blah, blah, blah."
"You want to get on a plane to feel alive. You want to get on a place to see just the hint of a woman's thigh because her skirt is just this much too short."
"So I guess I'm helping both of us."
"For what purpose?"
"Well, young campaigns don't necessarily come from young people."
"So what am I supposed to do, dangle a Pepsi out the window and see if I can hook a stroller?"
"This sounds like accounts to me."
"You want younger people than that?"
"Tell Duck, clients don't understand. Their success is related to standing out, not fitting in. It's a fad. Paint them a picture, uh, something like one wants to be the needle in the haystack, not a haystack."
"You're talking as if they're some fresh version of us. They're not. Young people don't know anything, especially that they're young."
"I know."
"Don't worry, we will be out of here before the singer starts."
"I don't think we have, Bets, Don Draper."
"Pleasure."
"I do."
"I don't think it's permanent."
"She's a party girl, Bets."
"Really."
"How stupid do you think I am?"
"How does room service sound?"
"Wow."
"Hold on."
"Hello, yes, this is Mr. Draper in room 804. Yes, can you send up some vishiswas and a BLT on white toast…"
"Scratch that, 2 shrimp cocktails."
"So, I have a lot of thoughts. How old are you?"
"Right, you're experienced, I got it. Are you married?"
"So, again, you both did everything together and yet you get paid more?"
"But, you contribute words?"
"I'm gonna ask you a question that was always asked of me when I was on job interviews."
"Have you ever been fired?"
"Book's good. By the way it has Julian Koenig's fingerprints all over it."
"Pleasure to meet you, Mr. Smith."
"That must happen all the time. You two share an office?"
"Of course not."
"Good. So now that I've given you your babies and Xerox machine, should I throw in a couple of elephants? I don’t want there to be any excuses when you can't bring in Martinson's Coffee."
"Send them in."
"Where are we?"
"Are you gonna underline the 'you'? For half the people it will be 'where are you going'?"
"Where the hell is Dale?"
"I don't know, sure, it's fine. It's obvious, I'm uninvolved."
"What about that?"
"No, she's right. Just because it has sentiment doesn't make it sentimental. We're talking about businessmen."
"Says who? Just so you know, the people who talk that way think that monkeys can do this. And they take all this monkey crap and just stick it in a briefcase completely aware that their success depends on something more than their shoeshine. You are the product. You feeling something. That's what sells. Not them. Not sex. They can't do what we do. And they hate us for it."
"Is that a question?"
"You can put that in your book."
"Take your hat off."
"Hey, Carla. Hey, BD."
"I am tired. Where's Mrs. Draper."
"Want a ride to the station?"
"Goodnight."
"Here, give it to me."
"I'm here, too."
"Hi. Bobby conked out, where were you?"
"Well, I was here."
"I did."
"Come on, show me what you learned in ballet."
""Now I am quietly waiting for the catastrophe of my personality to seem beautiful again. And interesting and modern. The country is gray and brown and white and trees. Snows and skies of laughter always diminishing. Less funny, not just darker, not just gray. It may be the coldest day of the year, what does he think of that? I mean, what do I? And if I do, perhaps I am myself again.""
Read the rest of this entry »