Here for your reading pleasure and nitpicky criticism is Everything Tracy Jordan Said in Season 5 of 30 Rock. As always, this is actually EVERYTHING he said, and is not intended to be a best of. This was a pretty analog exercise 2 years ago when I did it the first time, and it feels more so now. Theoretically, this should be a 20 minute supercut of all his lines for the season. There is, however, something interesting about seeing all of the lines in one place. You can also check out: Other seasons of Tracy Jordan, Everything Hurley Said, Everything Sawyer Said, Everything Locke Said, and Everything Don Draper Said.

Episode 1
-Yo. I'm calling to say that I'm giving you 110% this year. I'm relaxed. I'm focused. And I'm gonna be churning out the good stuff like you've never seen.
-Oh. I misdialed. I thought I was calling my nutritionist. Goodbye.
-Hey, KKKK. First day back is gonna be a busy one. First, I need you to go to the drycleaners for me and find out how Martinizing works. I've always been curious. Then, I need you to be back by noon to make the bathroom smell like sandalwood before I wreck it. You got that K-Pack of Gum.
-Of course. I knew that.
-Kenneth, I knew you'd come back. Let me smell your head.
-I'm sorry, but my heart is playing tricks on my eyes, just like my kidneys did to my lungs that time.
-I keep hallucinating Kenneth. Am I going crazy again? Should I get my rainbow wig out of storage?
-Like the World Cup. I'll try. No. This place is too full of memories. I've got to clear my head!
-No! You do not exist. I am in control of this.
-You're not real. If I threw you in front of a car, it would drive right through you.
-Of course it would. It would know everything I knew because it sprung from my imagination.
-Oh, no. I missed it! Do it again.
-I love you, Kenwood. Why don't you come back home to TGS. Pick the peas out of my fried rice. And the rice. I just want carrots.
-Don't you miss rubbing my foot back into the shape of a foot?
-I guess this is goodbye. Obviously, I'm gonna need the tote bag.
-Sure is, wanna go kiss in the prop cage?

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Episode 2
-I'm werewolfing myself.
-You know when a dude knows he's gonna turn into a werewolf and locks himself in a jail? Well, I'm embarrassed to say I've missed the birth of both of my sons…for very legitimate reasons.
-So I promised Angie I will not miss the birth of our daughter.
-And my mood ring! And I don't know how I feel about that.
-And good for you, Liz Lemon. There's something about you lately. Make me want to put my feet in your mouth.
-I can't leave my dressing room until Angie goes in to labor, but the president is saying we have to go outside.
-If I was a real werewolf, I'd wear baggy clothes so my nice clothes wouldn't get all torn up. Same rules for if I were the Hulk. I don't get why people like brunch. What's the benefit of combining breakdancing and lunch?
-You're not Griz! Ahh!
-I just gotta get to the hospital on Right There. Taxi! Sir, I don't have any money, but I need to get to Mount Sinai Hospital.
-Wow, it's like I always say, 'White cab drivers are weird.'.
-Explain the rules.
-So to be there for the birth of my daughter I have to answer trivia questions despite having gone to middle school in an Exxon station?
-Bring it.
-Come on, I don't know that.
-OK, I remember going to the Statue of Liberty Centennial cuz that year someone had spread a rumor that she was going to slip out of her toga and I wanted to see some green boobies. And that year the Mets had just won the World Series cuz that night I was randomly attacked by a Mets fan that I had thrown a pile doo at. That was 1986. And centennial is a hundred years because centipeding means having sex with a hundred women. I got it. 1886.
-She is an orca, Benjamin. FYI, they're very difficult to keep in a home aquarium.
-I'm coming, Angie!
-The Lazy Susan was invented by Thomas Jefferson. I know because I'm a descendent of Thomas Jefferson and Lazy Susan herself. The capital of the United Arab Emirates is Abu Dhabi. I know that because if I go back there, I'll be executed. There are twelve tons in the chromatic scale. [Singing] I know that because I'm a musical genius.
-Tracy Jordan. Hero. Husband. Diabetic slash alcoholic. Yes!
-Am I pulling it right?
-OK.
-It's still not opening.
-I'm trying to pull, you keep saying push.
-What you want me to do? You're yelling at me.
-I'm freaking out!
-Because I love you, baby, and I'll always be by your side no matter what Discovery Channel game show stands in my way. I wouldn't have missed whatever just happened here for anything. I don't know what I'd do without you. And I mean it.
-Why is that baby covered with goop?
-You ready for this, Jacky D?
-Explain.
-Jacky D, you want to make God laugh? Make a plan, or read him a Dave Barry book. You worried about being old, Jack? You could live forever, but you still can't predict what happens in life. Wait a minute, there's no baby in here.
-Oh, she's in the crib. Good.
-I hate to say I told you so, so, 'Welcome to Miami'.
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Tom Haverford was riffing about food on Parks and Recreation and I had to transcribe it. If I knew how to use the computer, I'd just put up the clip on Youtube, but this is how I do it.

"'Serts are what I call desserts. 'Tretres are entrees. I call sandwiches, sannies, samdoozles, Adam Sandlers. Air conditioners are Cool Blasterz with a z, I don't know where that came from. I call cakes, big ol' cookies. I call noodles long ass rice. Fried chicken is fry fry chicky chick. Chicken parm is chicky chicky parm parm. Chicken Cacciatore is chicky catch. I call eggs pre-birds or future birds. Root beer is super water. Tortillas are bean blankies. And I call forks food rakes."

Good thoughts, but I blogged it mostly because of the line, "Play them on your Vizio, Derek. You disgust me."

Watching Glee on DVR and noticed Oral Intensity did a cover of Sonseed's Jesus Is My Friend. If you haven't watched this video, you really owe it to yourself find sometime to watch what critics have called, "Not only one of the funniest music videos of ALL time, but also a really interesting use of religious appropriation of popular musical culture. A must see."*



*If a critic said this, it's a coincidence because I just made it up.
**I've probably posted this before.

86 or 87. Glad that's sorted out.

My favorite part about this video is that before Tracy said Sarah Palin was good masturbation material, he was very clearly going to say, "Both of them at the same time." Everything Tracy Jordan Said indeed.

In TNT's apology, they interestingly criticized Tracy, but not the hosts who set him up.



Via The Daily What

At a certain point, we've all wondered when the world of The Wire would cross with the world of Mad Men. The wait is over. Dominic West/McNulty will star in The Hour, a 6 part BBC drama about the making of television news hour set in 1956 London. The show is, be still my beating heart, being called the British equivalent to Mad Men. WOW. FUCKING WOW!

Via Jonah.

folkinz made a list of folks he thinks have a real shot at earning EGOT status. I'm not sure anyone belongs on this list if they have only won one of the four (Emmy, Grammy, Oscar, Tony). Obviously Bette Midler and Lily Tomlin are the favorites having won 3 of the 4 needed, but also because it's not impossible to imagine them winning Oscars (you know, in the way that it's impossible to imagine Gwyneth Platrow winning a Grammy)

# cher (E, G, O)
# jamie foxx (G, O)
# catherine zeta-jones (O,T)
# jennifer hudson (G, O)
# lily tomlin (E, G, T)
# gwyneth paltrow (O)
# kevin spacey (O)
# nicole kidman (O)
# renee zellweger (O)
# scarlett johansson (T)
# anne hathaway (E)
# joaquin phoenix (G)
# reese witherspoon (O)
# hugh jackman (E, T)
# justin timberlake (E, G) oscar may be a stretch i know.
# meryl streep (E, O)
# bette midler (E, G, T)

Incidentally, there have been 12 EGOT winners (or 10 if you're a stickler).

I was really happy to work with Chris Piascik on this weekly series of Mad Men drawings and recap. I'm really pleased with how they came out and I hope you enjoyed the little twist they added each week.

The big question about what would happen with the agency was actually solved last week when the partners all put money in. That bought them 6 months. The beginning of next season will have to be right around 6 months from now, or else losing Lucky Strike wasn't that big of a deal. If I recall correctly, season 2 was 6 months after season 1 and season 3 was 1 year after season 2. Maybe the pattern will be 6 months, 1 year, 6 months, etc. From the comments last week was a suggestion of Hilton (or possibly Disney saving the agency), which I thought made sense. That didn't come to pass because the agency's situation isn't as dire as we thought. I thought Sterling killing himself was another possibility based on a sequence from a couple episodes ago. That didn't happen either.

-When Joan delivers the mail to Lane, she definitely looked like she decided to keep the baby. This is confirmed later in the episode when talking to her rapey husband. "Yes, honey, they're bigger." I guess surgeons in Vietnam can make calls.
-We hadn't seen it in a while, but when Don and Pete met with the Cancer Society, he was pitching. That's always fun. At the beginning, he was subtly pitching himself, "In my heart it was an impulse because I knew what I needed to do to move forward." Before going on to pitch ideas, "Teenagers are sentimental as well. Have you heard their music?"
-The partners tried to get Ken Cosgrove to Pete Campbell his father in law. He's not willing to do it, though. "I'm not Pete, sorry about that." On the second watch, I noticed that Don's look lingered a bit on Ken when he talked about not wanting to screw stuff up with his wife/real life.
-"It's Glenn, are you decent?" Sketchy Glenn is so sketchy!
-Betty is feeling all upheaved and she's taking it out on Carla. There conversation has a strange dynamic because Carla is deferential, but not TOO deferential. In certain cases, she talks to Betty as if she's a child. A recurring theme.
-All you hedge fund dicks paying 15%? Capital Gains was 48% in 1965. Stop complaining.
-I'm extremely excited for The Walking Dead, but it's possible AMC went a little hard promoting it this week. Also, imagine how much AMC gave up in advertising during the finale of Mad Men. I wonder how much of a crossover Mad Men and The Walking Dead. On the one hand, there is definitely a set that watches all of the finely crafted cable programs (Sopranos, The Wire, Breaking Bad, Mad Men, etc). On the other hand, zombies are not in the ballpark, not even in the same sport as advertising in the 60s.
-Maybe Don's turning over a new leaf. He takes Faye Miller's advice and tells his kids that he's sometimes called Dick. We'll see how long it takes him to tell Megan.
-As soon as Stephanie gave Don the engagement ring, I figured he'd ask Megan to marry him. It made sense because, 1. Well, what was he going to do with an engagement ring? and 2. What was he going to do with an engagement ring in the finale of the season? After that milkshake scene, it was obvious. Other telegraphs were his lawyer suggesting he settle down and his look at Ken when Ken mentioned his wife.
-"There is no fresh start. Lives carry on." This is interesting, and probably jarring to Betty because Don actually did get a fresh start. He did and he didn't though, because Dick Whitman is still following the new Don Draper around. Also, I think Henry is continuing to realize he's made a mistake. Especially with the, "No one's ever on your side." line. No one's on her side because she always on the wrong side.
-Did you notice Don was drinking the champagne of beers right before going a-knocking on Megan's door.
-Peggy's out pitching and it's working. Way to go, Peggy.
-Don told Megan she made him, "Feel like myself. The way I want to feel." When he says myself, what do you think he means? I wonder what Megan's role will be like next year.
-After Ken told Peggy they'd won the account, Peggy jumped into Ken's arms and he lifted her up as they hugged. Then immediately after, they both fixed their hair at the same time. Pretty awesome.
-After Don told everyone about the engagement, Peggy stayed behind to discuss. It's clear Don has an affection for Peggy, but it's more father/daughter or brother/sister. Hard to say why Peggy cares, really, except maybe devotion.
-I guess Peggy and Joan are friends now? Took a long time! "Well, I learned a long time ago to not get all my satisfaction from this job." "Bullshit."
-I wonder what this means from a psychological perspective, "I hope she knows you only like the beginnings of things." Don was never going to be able to be with Faye permanently after he told her. He's not able to be who he wants to be when someone knows who he really is. You want to know when Peggy will be leaving the show? It'll be sometime very soon after she learns the truth about Don's past.
-The scene with Don and Betty in the old house was very sweet. Betty was vulnerable. I thought for a second they would do it. The shot that ended that scene with Don going out one door and Betty out the other was one of my favorites of the season. Nice work, cinematographers.
Scene with Don/Betty, great shot.
-So, this was around Labor Day, right? Strange that I think the last 3 episodes took place in a month while all the other episodes were separated by about a month. Unless this was during Columbus Day. Did they have Columbus Day in 1965?
-I don't know what Don looking out the window in the last scene signifies, but as J pointed out, the song that played the episode out was "I've Got You Babe." That was the song playing every morning in Groundhog Day. It's a stretch, and an obscure reference, but how cool would it be if that was actually a nod to the idea that Don's life is repeating itself? Very cool.

So that's it. Another season in the books. The finale didn't have the explosions of last year when the new agency was formed, but the engagement was a huge event. I enjoyed it. What did you think?

And a special bonus this week.



Each week, Chris Piascik draws one of the better quotations from the episode and we pair it with the recap I write on his site and here. If you're reading this sentence it's because I finished the recap before Chris finished the drawing and I had to go to bed. Check back in the morning.

I enjoyed this episode a lot, but I don't have a whole lot to say about it. Like last week, it seemed to move the plot forward quickly, but not touch so much on bigger (and more subtle themes). I haven't noticed if this is the first, but this episode was directed by John Slattery (Roger Sterling).

-"There's a time for beans and there's a time for ketchup." Apparently, however, the time for beans at SCDP is not now. People think the agency is dying and they don't want to be associated with it right now. "I will have an exciting idea, I know that." Doesn't mean much.
-Did you see Harry Crane's office? It had an antique desk and a replica cannon. Crane really is a ridiculous character.
-Sketchy Glenn is back giving Sally Draper an additional psychiatry appointment per day. He's really coming across as well-grounded and it's weird. Glenn's decided that if he can't have Betty, he'll have Sally instead. I loved how he turned and ran when he saw Betty.
-We're getting closer and closer to the late 60's and unfortunately Midge is the sacrificial lamb for the writers to depict the coming popularity of heroin/drugs. Her and her husband are so far gone that he's willing to whore her out for a score. Her painting did seemingly inspire Don's ad in the New York Times. Though maybe it was her obvious desperation that was the inspiration. "It's about what she sees when she shuts her eyes."
-"She doesn't care what the truth is as long as I do what she says." Sally is learning to be like Betty. Suppressing everything as a tactic to get by. Incidentally, Betty needs Sally's psychiatrist more than Sally does. The conversation between Betty and the doctor was great and when the doctor said, "I'm a child psychiatrist", the implication being that Betty is a child.
-Peggy wanted Don to change the name or the conversation, and according to Ken Cosgrove, Don at least changed the conversation. It was quite literally an ad for the agency, as Don mentioned, and it gave him the opportunity to get on his advertising genius high horse. I love when he gets on his advertising genius high horse. I don't remember the exact quote, but he's said something similar before. "This ad is genius and if you don't get it, I'm not going to bother trying to explain it, you won't get it anyway. Luddite."
-Creative is "the least important most important thing there is." Talk amongst yourselves.
-After the NYT ad, Don had to pry from Peggy what she thought of it. I feel like he has to do that quite a bit. He'll do something, and she won't tell him what she thinks. It's almost as if he's used to getting a response, positive or negative from everyone, and her not responding throws a wrench in his sense of normalcy. This conversation was a reference to the ham fight in one of the first couple episodes. Peggy said something along the lines of, "I thought you didn't go in for shenanigans like this." The NYT ad was a stunt in the same way the ham fight was. We'll see if it was as successful.
-Betty finally wants to move out of the house. Sally's bummed.
-Ted Chaough's Kennedy was pretty atrocious, very Mayor Quimbyesque, and I was curious why they got such a poor Bobby Kennedy impersonator.
-Don paid Pete Campbell's share, which I guess is Don's way of thanking Pete for carrying Don's shit. Where did Don get $150K?
-Also, did Bert Cooper really just quit? "You there, get my shoes." It would be a fitting exit for a man without an office.